Black cat.

One thing to be happy.
I AM FINALLY ONLINE!!!!!!!!
I got myself a new modem today with Gorgan's help, along with Ling && Mika's accompaniment~
Thanks guys! I had fun today (even if you guys find it boring, but oh well! xD)!
And thanks for accompanying me neh! ^^

Now, all I can do is pray for... a lot of things.
The least and most selfish thing?
LET MY INTERNET BE SANE FOR THE REST OF THE SEMESTER.
I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT afford to have NO internet from today onwards.
I'm seriously freaking out for the group assignments, not to mention the individual ones too.
Help me out with the works, people! (Not the individuals one, of course!)

And when I thought I had a rather great day, I came back home looking at my mother crying while she was opening the door for me. And? My neighbour was in my house, comforting and accompanying my mom.

I was shocked that I was rather calm.

Even after she told me what happened.

I... I want to go back there.
I want to go back like, TOMORROW MORNING.

I have no idea.
NO idea at all if I still have the chance to see him after two months, that is the time when I decided to go back during my break.

Mom wouldn't let me.

And that... I broke down, with control.
I know I'm having exams.
I am fully aware that I'm in deep shit because I haven't start any of the assignments ahead.
BUT I WANT TO GO BACK.

I have no idea if this will be the last chance seeing him; or the least, him seeing me for the last time. Everytime I go back to visit him, he smiles so brightly that makes me feel so much content. Everytime he would ask me the same question, pointing a picture of a chubby, baby me.

I felt so bad right now.
Because I've missed so many years of attending his birthdays.
And... there might not be anymore...

And every year he would ask my mom: you're not coming back for my birthday this year??
And every year he would complain if we don't call him during his birthday or new year.

All of these... are so near to an end.
Too near to an end...

I felt so torned right now...

Because even though I'm not sure if he's leaving us very soon, but I am sure that he is,
SOON.

I have to be ready to accept the fact.
However... I couldn't help myself when I know that I am going to loose someone, again.

I don't want to attend a third one, this soon.

I don't want to.

I really don't want to.

But... is there anything that I can do to change it?

-Jas-