Serenity.
Well, I planned my day today to be doing my data coding and analyzation... And apparently anxiety took a toll on me, hence sitting down in front of my laptop typing a blog entry to hopefully gain back some calmness in me.
Life had been rather eventful and precious - even though I hadn't time to blog about them, and most probably forgetting most of it, yet I'm sure it'll be somewhere in my memory!
Let's see... what have I missed?
1. Tranquility from music
I couldn't recall how long had it been that I have not put on a list of songs in my Music Player, and play it while I work. Funny enough, I find songs distracting me from work; even though sometimes I do need some loud bangs to let me gain some concentration. Somehow I felt that this is a sign that I am growing older, but not getting more matured.
I've been stuffing my ears with earphones, not with music but with interview audios that I need to transcript into hard copies. That was when I realized how much I missed the kind of tranquil music brought to me, and yet I do not have the chance to listen to the melodies I love for one of the longest time - the heart wrenching feeling, the warmth, the gush of emotional waves, the love, the heartfelt moments, the excitements those melodies brought to me. I missed it big time.
I guess, writing this blog gave me the opportunity to sit down and listen the songs I wanted to listen. And also giving me a sense of flow and control that would calm myself a little.
2. Missing the memories
I was surprised how I forgot my Godfather's death date. Even my mom had forgotten about it this year - well, almost. I guess the sorrow feeling of loosing him had been decreasing quite a little. Even so, sitting here mentioning about him would still make my nose feeling sour, and tears starting to fill. I guess I still miss you a lot, Papa. =)
After him, was my paternal grandmother. True that I used to say I hate her so much for mistreating my mother, and some personal memories I had with her. I wouldn't ever imagine I'd miss her too, a little, sometimes. Especially when I didn't get to taste my favorite Chinese dessert from here anymore. The house over my grandfather's place had certainly been very much quiet without her.
Lastly, my maternal great grandfather who left a great impact to everyone in the family after his death. Just one more month, it'll be one year since he left. Laughter had certainly decreased within the family without him. I guess even until today I still couldn't accept fully that I would not be seeing him when I get to go back there and visit my great grandmother. The wrenching feel... is nothing that words could describe. Missing you dearly, great grandpa. =)
3. Catching up with childhood moments
It had been too long since I get to enjoy movies in cinemas! And finally, I got to watch a must-watch movies of all time: Toy Story 3. It had quite been an emotional moment for me watching that movie, as I felt that I was so connected to Adam - who is grown up, preparing for college and no longer play with this faithful toys. It was a little sad, yet I learned that every ending has a new exciting beginning.
And also, I had been watching back Sailormoon series. Oh yeah go on and laugh at me if you want! I never knew Sailormoon series were so long, and they actually have 5 seasons! So far, I finished watching 2 seasons, and will be putting a full stop to that. I will need to do my thesis, and shall pamper myself big time after this battle which is going to end in exactly 2 weeks! But anyhow, call me pathetic, I truly love the moments in Sailormoon - the trust, the believe, the friendship, the silliness, the undying love, the soap-drama-ish romance... I hope I'll get to meet my very own Mamo-chan someday! xD Silly enough, Mamo-chan (or Tuxedo Kame-sama) truly makes my heart flutters like mad when he doesn't even exist in real life; and especially, he's an anime character - totally illusionary and vague!
And... one more thing. I guess psychology students might agree this with me if you watch each of the episodes in Sailormoon - the author/drawer of this anime/manga must be some Freudian fan. I am so not joking. It has so much to do with everything Freudian!
4. Struggling with stress and anxiety
Nonetheless, I'm talking about thesis. Time is getting extremely scarce, and I need to vommit more than 12k words for my qualitative. On top of that, my supervisor said I will need more references than others: 20 references. I'm not sure if I will be okay until the end of this... as I got myself into another thing to deal with: band competition.
It's funny how I am juggling between the competition and thesis at the exact same time. Yet I guess this is the time I will finally get myself to learn that: if I want to be greedy and get everything I want all at one go... I will need a lot of effort and sacrifices. Objectively speaking, thesis + band competition should not be overwhelming if I plan my time properly along with much determination and discipline.
Something at the back of my head says that I will do just fine, so long as I believe in my own abilities and stop being panicky, and just move my arse. I hope that subconscious message would be true.
5. Counselors are inspiring
It will take me an extremely long time to really talk about this in details. However, I had to say I learned so much through interviewing local counselors. They are the most inspiring bunch of people that I had ever met in my entire life so far, which includes my thesis supervisor. Frankly, the reason I did my chosen thesis topic and to interview local counselors is really due to my own needs. I wanted to know the whats and hows behind being a counselor, not really so much of writing a kick-ass thesis. And you know what? I got answers to my questions, and gained even more than I expected.
I learned and realized that counselors are extremely human people - they are down-to-earth inspiring; they are very interesting people; they are people with vast, unique perspectives; they are people who learn from the people they meet; most importantly, they are human with flaws and imperfections. I couldn't describe the excitement and adrenaline I had upon interviewing them. They had been very encouraging to gaining what I want, and extremely helpful. I guess somehow I had build several therapeutic relationships with them. =)
How magnificent are they? Here was what a counselor told me when I met her:
Of course, the above are not the exact words stated by the counselor. Yet the content is very much as stated. Now tell me, aren't counselors the most magnificent people around you?
6. Photography is more difficult than you think
I once came across an article, it said something like this:
Also, after two photography journeys (photo hunt, and model shooting), I realized that slight fire in shooting models. I will definitely take time to hunt some potential, photogenic people for me to practice model photo shoot. After my thesis, that is! I have my alternative plans in slowly developing my skills into something useful, and most importantly something that I am interested in.
7. Music is exciting
As I had mentioned earlier, I entered a band competition. The sinistral thing was - I wasn't even in a band in anywhere or at anytime. Yes, it was formed and called a "band" at the very last minute of our studio audition which happened on last Friday night. Truthfully, that performance in the studio was the worst performance I have had so far - and I am even comparing with my singing back when I was 11, it was that bad. Nonetheless, it was a too-fast experience, as I have not even absorb the situation inside the studio (as in I have not even breathe in entirely the air in the studio, and thank God to cherish the opportunistic moment), the performances were finished and... that's it!!!
It was definitely a spur moment. Totally lost, confused, and defeated moment. We even concluded there is no way we would manage to go through the next round with that kind of performances we put in. No way! And who the hell would expect that we would actually pass the auditions and will be performing in a bar on this coming Friday night?!
I hope everything would go well this coming Friday night, and also hopefully we'll shine! ;D
Whoa. I took an hour to type this post!
I guess it's time to get myself to work already. =)
-Jas-
Life had been rather eventful and precious - even though I hadn't time to blog about them, and most probably forgetting most of it, yet I'm sure it'll be somewhere in my memory!
Let's see... what have I missed?
1. Tranquility from music
I couldn't recall how long had it been that I have not put on a list of songs in my Music Player, and play it while I work. Funny enough, I find songs distracting me from work; even though sometimes I do need some loud bangs to let me gain some concentration. Somehow I felt that this is a sign that I am growing older, but not getting more matured.
I've been stuffing my ears with earphones, not with music but with interview audios that I need to transcript into hard copies. That was when I realized how much I missed the kind of tranquil music brought to me, and yet I do not have the chance to listen to the melodies I love for one of the longest time - the heart wrenching feeling, the warmth, the gush of emotional waves, the love, the heartfelt moments, the excitements those melodies brought to me. I missed it big time.
I guess, writing this blog gave me the opportunity to sit down and listen the songs I wanted to listen. And also giving me a sense of flow and control that would calm myself a little.
2. Missing the memories
I was surprised how I forgot my Godfather's death date. Even my mom had forgotten about it this year - well, almost. I guess the sorrow feeling of loosing him had been decreasing quite a little. Even so, sitting here mentioning about him would still make my nose feeling sour, and tears starting to fill. I guess I still miss you a lot, Papa. =)
After him, was my paternal grandmother. True that I used to say I hate her so much for mistreating my mother, and some personal memories I had with her. I wouldn't ever imagine I'd miss her too, a little, sometimes. Especially when I didn't get to taste my favorite Chinese dessert from here anymore. The house over my grandfather's place had certainly been very much quiet without her.
Lastly, my maternal great grandfather who left a great impact to everyone in the family after his death. Just one more month, it'll be one year since he left. Laughter had certainly decreased within the family without him. I guess even until today I still couldn't accept fully that I would not be seeing him when I get to go back there and visit my great grandmother. The wrenching feel... is nothing that words could describe. Missing you dearly, great grandpa. =)
3. Catching up with childhood moments
It had been too long since I get to enjoy movies in cinemas! And finally, I got to watch a must-watch movies of all time: Toy Story 3. It had quite been an emotional moment for me watching that movie, as I felt that I was so connected to Adam - who is grown up, preparing for college and no longer play with this faithful toys. It was a little sad, yet I learned that every ending has a new exciting beginning.
And also, I had been watching back Sailormoon series. Oh yeah go on and laugh at me if you want! I never knew Sailormoon series were so long, and they actually have 5 seasons! So far, I finished watching 2 seasons, and will be putting a full stop to that. I will need to do my thesis, and shall pamper myself big time after this battle which is going to end in exactly 2 weeks! But anyhow, call me pathetic, I truly love the moments in Sailormoon - the trust, the believe, the friendship, the silliness, the undying love, the soap-drama-ish romance... I hope I'll get to meet my very own Mamo-chan someday! xD Silly enough, Mamo-chan (or Tuxedo Kame-sama) truly makes my heart flutters like mad when he doesn't even exist in real life; and especially, he's an anime character - totally illusionary and vague!
And... one more thing. I guess psychology students might agree this with me if you watch each of the episodes in Sailormoon - the author/drawer of this anime/manga must be some Freudian fan. I am so not joking. It has so much to do with everything Freudian!
4. Struggling with stress and anxiety
Nonetheless, I'm talking about thesis. Time is getting extremely scarce, and I need to vommit more than 12k words for my qualitative. On top of that, my supervisor said I will need more references than others: 20 references. I'm not sure if I will be okay until the end of this... as I got myself into another thing to deal with: band competition.
It's funny how I am juggling between the competition and thesis at the exact same time. Yet I guess this is the time I will finally get myself to learn that: if I want to be greedy and get everything I want all at one go... I will need a lot of effort and sacrifices. Objectively speaking, thesis + band competition should not be overwhelming if I plan my time properly along with much determination and discipline.
Something at the back of my head says that I will do just fine, so long as I believe in my own abilities and stop being panicky, and just move my arse. I hope that subconscious message would be true.
5. Counselors are inspiring
It will take me an extremely long time to really talk about this in details. However, I had to say I learned so much through interviewing local counselors. They are the most inspiring bunch of people that I had ever met in my entire life so far, which includes my thesis supervisor. Frankly, the reason I did my chosen thesis topic and to interview local counselors is really due to my own needs. I wanted to know the whats and hows behind being a counselor, not really so much of writing a kick-ass thesis. And you know what? I got answers to my questions, and gained even more than I expected.
I learned and realized that counselors are extremely human people - they are down-to-earth inspiring; they are very interesting people; they are people with vast, unique perspectives; they are people who learn from the people they meet; most importantly, they are human with flaws and imperfections. I couldn't describe the excitement and adrenaline I had upon interviewing them. They had been very encouraging to gaining what I want, and extremely helpful. I guess somehow I had build several therapeutic relationships with them. =)
How magnificent are they? Here was what a counselor told me when I met her:
I was a little reluctant in accepting your interview as regarding to your topic. Because to me I think it's quite personal to share what my beliefs are, as those are private stuff to me. Then again, I took my time to sit down and consider - "what does this student want exactly from this interview?" I thought to myself, "why does this student wanted to know a counselor's personal beliefs and it's relation to the theories used? What leads her to have thought of such topic?" I thought hard, and tried thinking from your perspective. And I realized that "this student must have something in her mind. She did this not because of her thesis, it must be something else. It must be that she wanted to learn or know something from this." And that is why I decided that I am willing to share with you what I have, sitting right here to be interviewed by you.
Of course, the above are not the exact words stated by the counselor. Yet the content is very much as stated. Now tell me, aren't counselors the most magnificent people around you?
6. Photography is more difficult than you think
I once came across an article, it said something like this:
Photography is undoubtedly a form of creative art. However, unlike other arts - painting, graphic design, etc. which is something you can start from scratch - photography is something that you have to work what is already there, and to create something new and different from what is already existed before you. That makes photography unique, and very much challenging compared to any arts out there.After I read that (same content, different words), I finally understood how much more inspiring photographs could be compared to any other type of art. Solely because you have to create something new and different from what was given you.
Also, after two photography journeys (photo hunt, and model shooting), I realized that slight fire in shooting models. I will definitely take time to hunt some potential, photogenic people for me to practice model photo shoot. After my thesis, that is! I have my alternative plans in slowly developing my skills into something useful, and most importantly something that I am interested in.
7. Music is exciting
As I had mentioned earlier, I entered a band competition. The sinistral thing was - I wasn't even in a band in anywhere or at anytime. Yes, it was formed and called a "band" at the very last minute of our studio audition which happened on last Friday night. Truthfully, that performance in the studio was the worst performance I have had so far - and I am even comparing with my singing back when I was 11, it was that bad. Nonetheless, it was a too-fast experience, as I have not even absorb the situation inside the studio (as in I have not even breathe in entirely the air in the studio, and thank God to cherish the opportunistic moment), the performances were finished and... that's it!!!
It was definitely a spur moment. Totally lost, confused, and defeated moment. We even concluded there is no way we would manage to go through the next round with that kind of performances we put in. No way! And who the hell would expect that we would actually pass the auditions and will be performing in a bar on this coming Friday night?!
I hope everything would go well this coming Friday night, and also hopefully we'll shine! ;D
Whoa. I took an hour to type this post!
I guess it's time to get myself to work already. =)
-Jas-
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