Grow up?
Early in a rainy day like this,
I got a cloud right on top of my head.
A dark cloud.
I feel...
confused and some agony.
Why asking me to grow up,
when I'm being judged upon my actions as a young adult?
I have passed the stage of the need to be rebellious.
Although I admit, I am a rebel in nature because of how I was being brought up.
I have to say if I wasn't rebel enough, I am still very much living in a freaking hole.
At least now I'm living in a cave, with a bigger hole.
Do you realize I have friends question upon why I am still like a baby - who needs permission to go out, report my whereabouts, get back home in a curfew, and summoned by your demands?
Even they think I'm already very much too old to still be dealing all of these, because they don't have to deal as much even before they are in their twenties. Seriously.
It's not that I don't know you're worried - worry about my safety outside with such a sick society. However, have I ever fail to fulfill the needs of being safe and let you know where and what I was doing? Am I such a playful character that I do not know the boundaries? I swear to God, I have never acted in such ways.
You keep stressing about how old I am - how I should be taking care of myself and also taking in some responsibilities that I refuse to do at home. Yet, you never realize that I am also in the age whereby I should be given the liberty to socialize a lot more.
Why is it that you can go off without telling anyone where you're going with whom doing what? Just because you're the authority in the house, doesn't mean I don't deserve to know, too. And it also doesn't mean you just go off without noticing the time! At least I would give an estimation upon the time I would be back. Even you feel that I am treating you like a baby if I were to ask; how do you think I feel?
Do you realize how much I have missed out in life just because I have to obey and also a buried schema that I cannot go out so often? I feel left out from my friends. I feel very much a nothing. I missed out valuable experiences. I missed out the chance to feel happy and alive. Some of them don't even bother to call me out, because they know the frequency I went out and would most probably say that I couldn't make it. Do you know how fucking sad is that?
Is it wrong for me to go hangout with my friends everyday just because I'm jobless at the moment? I'm not even spending your money, or asking you to give me money to spend for leisure. I'm spending on my own earnings in my past job! And it's not that I refuse to look for jobs, or saying no to interviews - but I have yet to receive any! And thank you, because I just feel even more worse now because it was as if I don't have what it takes to even find a freaking job.
If you think I have already grown up, then please - give me the amount of liberty I should have, instead of stuffing me inside a box telling me the responsibilities I should be doing.
-Jas-
I got a cloud right on top of my head.
A dark cloud.
I feel...
confused and some agony.
Why asking me to grow up,
when I'm being judged upon my actions as a young adult?
I have passed the stage of the need to be rebellious.
Although I admit, I am a rebel in nature because of how I was being brought up.
I have to say if I wasn't rebel enough, I am still very much living in a freaking hole.
At least now I'm living in a cave, with a bigger hole.
Do you realize I have friends question upon why I am still like a baby - who needs permission to go out, report my whereabouts, get back home in a curfew, and summoned by your demands?
Even they think I'm already very much too old to still be dealing all of these, because they don't have to deal as much even before they are in their twenties. Seriously.
It's not that I don't know you're worried - worry about my safety outside with such a sick society. However, have I ever fail to fulfill the needs of being safe and let you know where and what I was doing? Am I such a playful character that I do not know the boundaries? I swear to God, I have never acted in such ways.
You keep stressing about how old I am - how I should be taking care of myself and also taking in some responsibilities that I refuse to do at home. Yet, you never realize that I am also in the age whereby I should be given the liberty to socialize a lot more.
Why is it that you can go off without telling anyone where you're going with whom doing what? Just because you're the authority in the house, doesn't mean I don't deserve to know, too. And it also doesn't mean you just go off without noticing the time! At least I would give an estimation upon the time I would be back. Even you feel that I am treating you like a baby if I were to ask; how do you think I feel?
Do you realize how much I have missed out in life just because I have to obey and also a buried schema that I cannot go out so often? I feel left out from my friends. I feel very much a nothing. I missed out valuable experiences. I missed out the chance to feel happy and alive. Some of them don't even bother to call me out, because they know the frequency I went out and would most probably say that I couldn't make it. Do you know how fucking sad is that?
Is it wrong for me to go hangout with my friends everyday just because I'm jobless at the moment? I'm not even spending your money, or asking you to give me money to spend for leisure. I'm spending on my own earnings in my past job! And it's not that I refuse to look for jobs, or saying no to interviews - but I have yet to receive any! And thank you, because I just feel even more worse now because it was as if I don't have what it takes to even find a freaking job.
If you think I have already grown up, then please - give me the amount of liberty I should have, instead of stuffing me inside a box telling me the responsibilities I should be doing.
-Jas-
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