After nearly 3 years.
Well.
After nearly 3 years since my last post - I'm here.
And I'm actually procrastinating on something that I should be doing right now!
Hehe... familiar times eh?
I'm not quite "coming back" per say - I honestly don't think there's anyone who reads my blog after so many years of being idle. Hmm... actually even in the past at its most active state, I doubt I have many readers to begin with! Mostly my blogs are meant for myself, a little bit like a diary keeping activity for me - to reflect, process, express, and to grow internally.
To my surprise, as I logged into my account - I noticed my blog interface has changed. I don't remember doing any changes to it, but it has definitely looked different from when I last came in and have a look! All the more reason to learn that changes do happen, even when we don't pay attention to it. And here I am, felt that I've missed out - because it is a change that I did not anticipate, and definitely missing how my blog used to look as I had put so much time and effort to personalize it.
So why am I here today?
Procrastinate, yes.
But also, it's been on my mind the past few days that I realized something about myself as now I'm no longer in the twenties and stepped into the thirties territory.
I am having possibly the best time of my life, to date.
I felt that I am feeling the most "me" right now. I am (kind of most of the time) happy to be who I am today, that I am the best version of me today compared to the whole of my life as a human being.
Now that does not mean that I don't experience pain, sadness, disappointment, frustration, doubts... all those negative emotions are very much there, and raw in many cases. I am still struggling as I am typing this. And yet, there are parts of me that I come to love and appreciate.
Leaving home and living in a different country has certainly pushed me to grow - and to come to terms with the good, the bad and the ugly sides of me (okay in all honesty, it is very much a work in progress everyday!). Most importantly, I have also come to accept that I have a beautiful side too. Inside and out. I guess that's one of the cultural learning I have gained living in both Eastern and Western cultures - one is stingy with positive words, which in turn pushed me to live with the harshness of the world; one is very generous with praises, which made me learn to accept the good things I possess.
One thing that I felt most comfortable about myself right now, is actually accepting my physical appearance. I grew up never really feeling comfortable in my own skin. I was in the narrative of believing that I am not someone who is anywhere near good looking with subpar fashion sense. I suppose for a female - those words carry even more weight as the society is filled with so much pressure and emphasize on how females carry themselves in terms of physical appearance (quite sad I would say, even in my work I have to say to my young clients that many of those images that we see are actually not real).
Today, I accepted the fact that I can be both pretty and ugly - because different people have different perceptions of what beauty is. So I have chosen to believe that I am beautiful in my own way and I dress just fine. =) I am confident with how I look even though others may think otherwise, and that's okay!
More self-acceptance and growth to come. =)
-Jas-
After nearly 3 years since my last post - I'm here.
And I'm actually procrastinating on something that I should be doing right now!
Hehe... familiar times eh?
I'm not quite "coming back" per say - I honestly don't think there's anyone who reads my blog after so many years of being idle. Hmm... actually even in the past at its most active state, I doubt I have many readers to begin with! Mostly my blogs are meant for myself, a little bit like a diary keeping activity for me - to reflect, process, express, and to grow internally.
To my surprise, as I logged into my account - I noticed my blog interface has changed. I don't remember doing any changes to it, but it has definitely looked different from when I last came in and have a look! All the more reason to learn that changes do happen, even when we don't pay attention to it. And here I am, felt that I've missed out - because it is a change that I did not anticipate, and definitely missing how my blog used to look as I had put so much time and effort to personalize it.
So why am I here today?
Procrastinate, yes.
But also, it's been on my mind the past few days that I realized something about myself as now I'm no longer in the twenties and stepped into the thirties territory.
I am having possibly the best time of my life, to date.
I felt that I am feeling the most "me" right now. I am (kind of most of the time) happy to be who I am today, that I am the best version of me today compared to the whole of my life as a human being.
Now that does not mean that I don't experience pain, sadness, disappointment, frustration, doubts... all those negative emotions are very much there, and raw in many cases. I am still struggling as I am typing this. And yet, there are parts of me that I come to love and appreciate.
Leaving home and living in a different country has certainly pushed me to grow - and to come to terms with the good, the bad and the ugly sides of me (okay in all honesty, it is very much a work in progress everyday!). Most importantly, I have also come to accept that I have a beautiful side too. Inside and out. I guess that's one of the cultural learning I have gained living in both Eastern and Western cultures - one is stingy with positive words, which in turn pushed me to live with the harshness of the world; one is very generous with praises, which made me learn to accept the good things I possess.
One thing that I felt most comfortable about myself right now, is actually accepting my physical appearance. I grew up never really feeling comfortable in my own skin. I was in the narrative of believing that I am not someone who is anywhere near good looking with subpar fashion sense. I suppose for a female - those words carry even more weight as the society is filled with so much pressure and emphasize on how females carry themselves in terms of physical appearance (quite sad I would say, even in my work I have to say to my young clients that many of those images that we see are actually not real).
Today, I accepted the fact that I can be both pretty and ugly - because different people have different perceptions of what beauty is. So I have chosen to believe that I am beautiful in my own way and I dress just fine. =) I am confident with how I look even though others may think otherwise, and that's okay!
More self-acceptance and growth to come. =)
-Jas-
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