The story behind piano scores.

It is kind of sad that I do in fact failed my Grade 8 practical exam,
twice.

And I am not anywhere close to the word "talented"
in terms of playing the piano.

Nonetheless,
I truly admit I totally suck in sight reading.
*laughs*

Of course, the phrase
"practice makes perfect"
is somehow true...

and untrue.

I have always had this same problems in playing piano scores.
Whether or not if it's a piece that I played for a long time, or a new piece, or even sight reading.

I make mistakes, yes, inevitable.

Yet, it wasn't until today that I suddenly realized something as I drove my way to piano lessons.

Playing a piece requires reading the notes on the stave.
It requires you to look ahead of the notes that you were playing.

Whenever I play a piece, I do not look ahead.
I keep correcting the notes being played, which ruins the flow of the song.
I keep turning back, playing the phrase, trying hard to get the notes correct even if it disrupts the flow.
Ironically, I do not practice the phrases over and over again to make them right and "perfect".

Somehow,
it reflects me as a human being.

I do not look in front - for opportunities to be better;
I got myself caught in the past, too much - in hopes that I can correct back the mistakes I made.

It's funny how I could be rather forgiving towards others.
I could always find the littlest reasons to forgive or at least rationalize the consequences people act.

Yet, I am unforgiving towards myself.
I am unable to find the littlest reasons to forgive myself, or rationalize my actions.

-Jas-