Paper.

Everyone's giving me pressure on about my piano's "graduation".
Seriously, that piece of Grade 8 passing certificate has no significance at all if I were to do anything piano related.

Why?
Easy.

Because real skills and capabilities are being measured, rather than looking at that piece of rubbish paper called certificate.




Now I am so going to dislike talking to my maternal grandmother, because my mother had successfully tell the whole world how a useless crap I am for failing my practical twice AND for being a useless brat because I got tired and scared of playing the piano to pass the miserable exams.

AND ITS NOT BECAUSE I DID NOT TRY.
Isn't trying TWICE (and failed after that) already a clear stance of trying already?

Yet, just because I didn't manage to pass even though I went for the second time gave others the conclusion that: I did not try hard enough.

Seriously, how do you know that I did not?

I'm feeling so fucked up for failing the fucking miserable exams TWICE and the sum of money spent for everything. I don't mind that I don't get a pat on the shoulder and tell me it's okay to fail. But I mind for making me feeling even more fucked up and utterly useless by saying I did not try harder when the fact was I DID TRY SO MUCH HARDER FOR THE SECOND TIME.

Why couldn't you guys just give me a break?
Do I not deserve to have a time out, even if it's a long one, so that I can stand back up and face my problem?

Just because I fail to pass my Grade 8 practical examinations, and yet to pass my theory examination, every one concluded that I am a person that is going to fail in the things I do for the rest of my life and I have no persistence at all. Seriously? Have you not fail at all in your life and walk out of it completely or even temporarily?

I understand that you forced me so that I would have no regrets in the future. I understand that you forced me so that I could just continue on and have finally put a big task away. I understand that you forced me so that I can get myself passing the hardest obstacles despite of the kinds of emotions I'm experiencing.

However, it's just about playing the piano in the end.
It may be an unseen opportunity for me in the future that has yet to come; however, I truly doubt that I would do anything close with piano other than singing and probably some composing or playing the accompaniment.

Being a psychology student, I believe that my emotional well being is more important than the fucking piano.

Apparently, all of you think that my emotional state is just bullshit and doesn't worth a single thing.

-Jas-