Sharing.
I was born as a single child.
Often times I wouldn't understand the real meaning of "sharing" as I didn't have to share most of the things I have in my entire life; including the true emotions hidden within me for so many years.
I love when others share with me - their emotions, thoughts, food, things, etc.
Yet, I become a little selfish when it comes to sharing mine - especially anything psychologically related to myself.
Yet, I would always never hesitate to borrow a listening ear, a helping hand, or a shoulder to lean on to those close to me or at least to those who need it - that is if they are willing to share, I am always willing to be there. However, often times I ask myself: Who borrows an ear to me? Where's the hand when I need it? Where can I find a shoulder to lean on when I want to?
I may be emotionally expressive.
Yet, I have close friends telling me: You are not opening up. You're always hiding away yourself.
I disagree.
Yet, I agree because personally I think it's not the willingness to share - its because there isn't a suitable person to share the issues with.
Even until today, I still stand in that position believing that certain issues are only suitable to share with certain individuals. In other words, I choose the person to share with me, to bare with me.
Yet, I came to a whole new understanding and discovering of myself today.
I admit, I was too scared to share; because I didn't want to appear even more vulnerable as I am to others. I was extremely uncomfortable after exposing myself to someone else that I barely know. Then, I kept wondering and considering this: Was my decision wrong?
Maybe it was wrong, because I am afraid of what will be happening - the changes; and I would actually willing to continue carry on with my life with all these things sticking on me like tattoos on my skin. Yet, maybe I was not; because it is a challenge to face everything and be fair to myself. It is an awakening. It is actually time to let myself to learn how to share with others.
Another thing I learned today after feeling so insecure and lost sharing so much was that:
there is nothing wrong to share my problems with others.
Yes, as much insecurity that I felt, I told myself that there is nothing wrong to share things that I swallowed in and then vomit out (metaphor okay, metaphor). It is impossible to swallow everything into myself, I was aware of that as I kept telling others, and make them pour their guts out to me. Ironically, I did not adapt to the understanding myself and kept all the poison within.
Probably...
it is time to get use to cleansing my inner body, and get the poison cured bit by bit.
-Jas-
Often times I wouldn't understand the real meaning of "sharing" as I didn't have to share most of the things I have in my entire life; including the true emotions hidden within me for so many years.
I love when others share with me - their emotions, thoughts, food, things, etc.
Yet, I become a little selfish when it comes to sharing mine - especially anything psychologically related to myself.
Yet, I would always never hesitate to borrow a listening ear, a helping hand, or a shoulder to lean on to those close to me or at least to those who need it - that is if they are willing to share, I am always willing to be there. However, often times I ask myself: Who borrows an ear to me? Where's the hand when I need it? Where can I find a shoulder to lean on when I want to?
I may be emotionally expressive.
Yet, I have close friends telling me: You are not opening up. You're always hiding away yourself.
I disagree.
Yet, I agree because personally I think it's not the willingness to share - its because there isn't a suitable person to share the issues with.
Even until today, I still stand in that position believing that certain issues are only suitable to share with certain individuals. In other words, I choose the person to share with me, to bare with me.
Yet, I came to a whole new understanding and discovering of myself today.
I admit, I was too scared to share; because I didn't want to appear even more vulnerable as I am to others. I was extremely uncomfortable after exposing myself to someone else that I barely know. Then, I kept wondering and considering this: Was my decision wrong?
Maybe it was wrong, because I am afraid of what will be happening - the changes; and I would actually willing to continue carry on with my life with all these things sticking on me like tattoos on my skin. Yet, maybe I was not; because it is a challenge to face everything and be fair to myself. It is an awakening. It is actually time to let myself to learn how to share with others.
Another thing I learned today after feeling so insecure and lost sharing so much was that:
there is nothing wrong to share my problems with others.
Yes, as much insecurity that I felt, I told myself that there is nothing wrong to share things that I swallowed in and then vomit out (metaphor okay, metaphor). It is impossible to swallow everything into myself, I was aware of that as I kept telling others, and make them pour their guts out to me. Ironically, I did not adapt to the understanding myself and kept all the poison within.
Probably...
it is time to get use to cleansing my inner body, and get the poison cured bit by bit.
-Jas-
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