Tired. So tired. Very tired.

Mmh... First off, I'm in the very bottom of my circle of mood right now. Okay, maybe not exactly the very bottom... But I'm sure it's somewhere near, down there.

Oh gee... What a great way to start my first blog of year 2008 eh?

Let's go straight to the point.

I'm tired.
Of... everything.
I'm tired of people around me.
I'm tired of things around me.
I'm tired of dreaming about dreams that are meant to be dreams.
I'm tired of asking who I really am.
I'm tired of searching myself.
I'm tired of making myself stay strong.
I'm tired of letting go, and not able to let go at the same time.
I'm tired of words.
I'm tired of the truth and facts.
I'm tired of trying to be what others want and don't want me to be.
I'm tired of worrying about my future.
I'm tired of thinking, knowing how my future will be like.
I'm tired of knowing I am not the person that I thought I am.
I'm tired of doubting myself.
I'm tired of searching answers.
I'm tired of being a person who's able to look at things in two sides or more.
I'm tired to know that people are just so selfish and inconsiderate.
I'm tired of people asking me questions.
I'm tired of people doubting myself.
I'm tired of following others.
I'm tired of being a passive smoker.
I'm tired of ... just everything.
I better stop typing what I'm tired of... because the list just goes on.

Yay, this is life.
Eventually, life sucks for now.

But... really, I got really tired.
Sometimes I don't get what's in people's mind.
Why people have to be in... such a way?
Sometimes I really hope people just leave me alone.
Sometimes I really hope I don't care so much. Ironically, people do say I don't care, to the point of ignorance and no respect; which I found it superbly sinister, because they did the exact same thing to me, and to others.

It's not that I'm not happy with what I have now or anything.
I would not want to change some of the things in my life.
However... sometimes things and people are just too over, and it hurts the crap out of me, mentally that is.

Nothing's more torturing that the ache in the heart.
The feeling of people sawing your head slowly is not even as painful as being jabbed at your spirit, at your heart.

Not that I'm being pessimistic, but I'm saying this very truthfully:
Things that are going on right now, will not get better, but worse.
However, somethings (different from the statement above) might get better.

There are things I wanted to let go and just throw it out permenantly from my life.
However, I've learnt that... that's just impossible.

I really think... I had enough. More than enough.
And I think... now I better shut up and leave.

-Jas-

Comments

Anonymous said…
Yea... this is life eh...? I kinda understand that feeling, to a certain extent that is... However, Jas ah, *hugs* ^^

-Gorgan-
11:26 AM
Anonymous said…
Perhaps it's time to see the world as it is instead of as it should be.

That's painful to do but you're not alone. You're just not. :3
11:18 AM
Anonymous said…
sorry ya! very long never visit your blog ald.

Don't feel tired with your life so early. Imagine that if you can't go college or can't even go to school, you got no friends. what should you do?

you still got your family and ME =)
*whenever u fell "tired" or what, just go see your husbandS. i am sure that they will cheer you up!

Life is just as wonderful as your PS, it depends on how you design and color it!
6:32 PM
Anonymous said…
@gorgan: haha~ *hugs* thanks jie~ this is life alright~ LOL~

@steven: well, i know the world it is... what it is. LOL~ that's just the reality of.. the world. =.= haha, thanks for reminding me that i'm not alone though~ ^^

@yisim: haha it's okay dear! *hugs* well, don't worry, sometimes i feel sick of it, sometimes i don't~ ^^ haha~ and YESH i know my husbandS will cheer me up alright xD LOL my PS? hahah~ thanks again, dear~ *hugs*

-Jas-
11:04 AM
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