this is life.

Wow. My brain literally went blank at this moment. *sigh* Oh. One thing though. I suppose today is the day of the year that the statistics people updating their blogs, journals, and have some fun out of the house or in the house being the highest in 365 days! Also, long post ahead I presume. I wouldn't say the last day of every year is like every other day in a year. Somehow there's some special feeling on the last day of a year. A day that I would reflect a lot, and look back. What had I been through in the past 364 days? Every time I would ask the same question to myself, and being unable to grasp an answer. Simply because there were too many things (in every flavor of life) that I had been through and it was impossible to recap everything. In other words, I learnt a lot and too much to be portrayed into words. Even so, most of the times it would be because I couldn't really remember what I did for the past 364 days simply because... I did too many things, too, and nothin...

今天又掉进自己的老陷井去了。 哎～ 喂！ 几时要爬回来啊！ 很需要你啦～ 功课上，心理上，和精神上需要你回来啦～ 还有！需要逗久一点啦！ 哎哟。 酱子会一直拖啦… 快点回来噢，乖～ *闷* -Jas-

... for a true holiday. *cries* I'm so freaking stressed at the moment! Thesis how?! THESIS HOW?!?!?!! I'm unable to contact my supervisor... HOW?!?!?!?!?! T.T I don't want to read journals... I don't want to write thesis proposal... I don't want to know anything about ERB... HOW HOW HOW HOW... T.T *frustrated* -Jas-

;D Merry x'mas and happy new year to you who are reading this! ****** Christmas had never been anything special to me - it has always been another normal day in a year. Well, this year there wasn't anything special either! *laughs* I didn't have anywhere to go, or anyone to hang out with for this festive season (as usual anyway). All I did is just wasting my time doing nothing at home for another day (which... I know I should be doing quite some reading instead... *sigh*). Okay probably not entirely wasting my day, I did do the laundry and put on my creative cap. ;D Plus, dad and I had to go have dinner with grandpa tonight as there wasn't anyone accompanying him today (which is after all a festive season). Nothing special, as usual. *laughs* Sound sad huh? Well, not really. It's just another one of those days when you felt a little contentedness. The day sort of changed when my mobile phone rang - my aunt called me to call back when I got home. And I did. So I took...

It's really sad to not being able to yell: "YAY!!! FINALLY IT'S HOLIDAY!!!!!!" T.T Darn you thesis, darn you! And apparently my supervisor didn't reply any of my emails... Oh me gawd. HOKAY. SAD STORIES ASIDE! ***** Finally, I attended prom! ;D The last time I attended one was waaaaay back in 2006, which I had to say it was awesome! However, this time's prom was even more awesome because I'm spending it with the right people, at the right time and most of all, rockin' performances throughout the night! Oh oh, the foods were nice, too! Though it's kinda sad I didn't get to taste the desserts! *boo* So everything started off with an early morning, I couldn't get myself back to sleep at 6.50am. Go figure. After all the sweeping and mopping the house, off I headed to the prom's location for rehearsals! Of course, I didn't go there alone. Haha. I had to pick MJ up on the way, too. ;D It's good to have company, no? The place... well t...

对啊。 注定我孤独终老。 没有没有家人，没有另一半，也没有朋友。 只有自己。 ***** 妈妈的话，到现在都是对的。 你，是一个自私的朋友。 这么多年了你一样没有变。 烦死。 ***** Cognitive dissonance. Reaction formation. ***** 命中注定遇见你。 爱你，同时恨你。 -Jas-

回到家没几个小时，就被很多“烦”字给缠着。 还真的很安宁啊~ ***** 噢…… 以为听完故事，关了店之后就打烊了。 结果…… 邻居在有动静。 ***** 人啊~ 天生爱找麻烦。 真的。 明明屁股没痒，就死命找人抓到流血。 最后，痛的怨的又是自己。 ***** 成熟？ 对啦。 成熟的人还会大大声关门来示威啦~ 嗯。 我，还是小孩子啦。 ***** 烦？ 人。 -Jas-

Don't even think of imposing what you assume is mine into me. Be it transference or counter transference, sorry, you just made me close my gate and the rest of the doors with "locksmith-proof" locks. Don't say you that know, when you know nothing. Really. Empathy is the core element that you lack, because you choose to judge with your eyes. -Jas-

Whatever life gives you, be it lemons, lemonade, watermelons or durians... THROW BACK AT THEM. LITERALLY. Especially, when you know you have to pay for all those! One thing for sure though, nothing in life comes in FOC. -Jas- p.s. for any of you boogers doesn't know what "FOC" stands for, try Googling it out and guess which one on the long list I'm talking about. LOL.

You can call me vain on this. HAHA. *clears throat* I know that you purposely walked somewhere near me, so that I can see you. And I purposely acted I didn't see you, just to see if you will literally stand in front of me. And you did do that eventually. So, hello there. *smirk* xD Sometimes... guys are really easy to guess. -Jas-

I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't study. How am I going to sit for my finals?! *sigh* _________________________________________________________________________ On the other hand, been lurking around a couple of my juniors' blogs. Its surprising to see how mature they are. =] For some weird reason, I felt proud for them. -Jas-

Voices and melody like this gave me great contentness. =] Indescribable. -Jas-

How can I forgot that hidden interest I have towards philosophy? *smiles* I know it's going to be not easy, but I'm up for the challenge to hit two birds with one stone! OH YEA. HWAITING YOUNG LADY! Park YooChun will be so proud of me. xD -Jas-

有一天，她再一次的告诉我： “快点带我离开这里……我等你带我走。” 那一天，我无法忍耐； 以一半开玩笑的语气说： “等我死了先吧~” 当时，她傻了；也静了一下。 然后，用一半开玩笑的语气问： “干吗？你很想死吗？” 我以更加小孩脾气回答： “蛮想吔~” 然后，她说： “你怎知——死，就能够解决问题呢？” 我理智的回答： “死，不会解决问题啊~ 可是，至少我知道死了之后我再也不会继续痛苦下去。 还有，痛苦的是那些还活在世界上的人。 不是死了的我。” 顿时， 我自己都被自己的答案给吓到。 来~ 快来找个人劝劝我吧~ *呆* -Jas-

I just acknowledge a new "Jasmine" today. It's not a good one. She's a stepping stone to a closer threshold... A bad threshold. Frankly, I sensed the external locus of control. Not good. Not good at all. -Jas-

Some things, only needed one to dance. Some things, does not depend on one but two to clap. Some things, takes one to start and the other to follow. Its just because, the other may be a passive one. Not that I did not want to keep it or take the initiative, yet I happened to be the passive one. Stop pushing everything on me. -Jas-

It's really interesting to listen to conversations. Especially when two persons were talking about a similar linkage, yet totally different two stories at the same time to each other. The most fascinating thing? It is that the two didn't realize it, yet the conversation still manage to continue as if they were talking about the same one story. *laughs* -Jas-

Hadn't been too active, have I? I wasn't really sure where had my blogging fever went all of a sudden, but I would say it was most probably due to the extremely hectic semester. Even though this semester is going to end in less than one week's time, I had this reluctant feeling - I didn't want these to come to an end. Even so (I had been using too many "even so" lately), I can absolutely foresee the crazy amount of work and stress in the coming semesters. This semester might be my last "honeymoon-alike" semester for my life, no joke. Looking back at this semester, it was truly truly truly (it goes forever) busy and stressful. For the first time in my life, I had been complaining about thinking too much and using way too much brain juice. Yet, I don't absolutely hate it; I do not like it though. I realized that deep deep deep (it goes forever, again) within me, I am sort of a workaholic; that is if I get myself to start working! I had to say, it h...

I couldn't have enough of these two soulmates. Rainy blue by JaeJoong & YooChun originally by Tokunaga Hideaki My faith is kept. ^^ -Jas-

LOOK AT THE BLUE BIRD !!! IT'S TALKING NOW!!! xDDDDDDDDD Holy God, I'm truly a genius! *amen* xDDDDDDDD -Jas-

I am just... really tired. Physically and mentally tired. Stop. Breathe. I just had enough. I don't want to use my brain anymore, really. In any issues, big or small, mine or others, I just want to stop thinking. Literally stop functioning my brain. Literally. Stop. Using. My. Brain. I JUST HAD ENOUGH. -Jas-

This is going to be my final change. NO MORE CHANGING MY BLOG LAYOUT. -Jas- p.s. how the heck to add in my twit updates up there where the cute blue bird is? aiyah. whatever.

Yeap. That's me alright. I know I need to do my assignments. Yet, I keep distracting myself with nonsensical stuffs. Yes I changed my blog's layout again. I might change it, again. LOL. -Jas-

It's funny how I used to say these; Music is my life, I couldn't live without it. Everyday, I had to listen to music. A day without it, I will be merely a lifeless soul. Yet, I caught myself decreasing in listening to the songs that I love, songs that I am severely addicted even until this very moment. Decreasing in feeding myself the voices that I grew with, voices that mesmerizes me without fail every single time I listen to. Maybe it's because I have grown. Saying the statements such as "I couldn't live a life without music", is just a childish fact. Of course, the statements remained true for the longest time and throughout my life. Yet, there is truly no such thing as; I could not live a life without something or someone. No, my love towards the fascination music brings to me have not deteriorated. Yet, I can live a day or two, or even longer, without it. The magic, is this. Whenever I hit that play button, music will mesmerize and fascinate me all over a...

;D I love my new blogskin. Yeah the color's kinda dull and such, but I love it! Simplicity is the best. Parsimonious rocks! -Jas-

忘了想要在这里留些什么言啊~ *汗* 今早起了床，竟然去弹一弹琴叻~ 话说兴致一来的时候，什么都愿意啊~ *哈哈* 咿？干吗我用中文打字啊？ 兴致嘛~兴致~ *嘻嘻* 别以为本姑娘今早心情好得不得了噢~ 虚假里头，是有几分真实啦…… 对啦，就那么少少心情好啦。 如果更早起床更佳呢！ 就是睡到整个朦朦胧胧了啦…… *空* 花了整整两个小时的时间逗留在中学学姐的部落格。 对，就在浪费时间逃避需要用到脑袋思考的臭功课。 *哭* 可是，发现到学姐的部落格很有趣。 很羡慕*咳妒嫉咳*她到国外留学几个月然后所四处游荡的地方和照片。 还有，她那一篇文章感动了我。 读了再慢慢回忆自己的成长过程……真的是有些遗憾。 哎~命中注定啊~ *叹气* 还有还有！ 本姑娘的ID开始不乖了，老是在捣蛋啊~~~~~~~ 我要我要我要！！！ =3= 败家女啊~ *叹气* -Jas-

人， 没有所谓的 “一时之气”； 只有 累计的忍耐 然后 突然的爆发。 -Jas-

I was taught to be independent since birth, because I had no siblings to lean to. I was taught to be independent since then, because they wanted me to be strong at heart and will. Even so, the more independent I am, the more dependent I am towards others. The more independent I am, the more attachments I form with others. Just because, I did not want to be alone. Just because, I refuse to believe that one day there will be only me, myself in my own world. Forming attachments had become a vital value in me, because I believe that those attachments were always good. Yet, as I grew, I realized it was not always good. Despite the joys I had from those attachments, again, again, and again I got myself hurt. Once. Twice. Multiple times. From time to time, I was haunted by the bruises of the past. Even though I was frightened to be attached to anything or anyone, I found myself falling in continuously. However, I learned. I learned that no matter how strong the attachments are, I will still h...

自私， 有自私的代价。 付出， 有付出的代价。 要自私还是付出？ 没有所谓的对和错。 只有凭良心吧。 -Jas-

" Stress leads to headache leads to fear leads to procrastination leads to more headache and fear leads to more stress. " True or not? Well, at least it applies to me. VERY POSITIVELY CORRELATED in fact. -Jas-

Indeed, it was an interesting day today. Shall I start another list? *laughs* 1. I was stuck in a traffic jam at a usual spot with a rather unusual time to jam; as I was started to feel bored and slightly annoyed with the traffic, I looked at the back mirror which brought me pleasant surprise. Instantly, my brain was like: "Eh? That dude at the back... looked awfully familiar..." *scans dude's face* *screening* *information retrieved* "EH?! ISN'T THAT A FRIEND OF MINE?!" *stares at the mirror longer* "OH MY GOD. IT IS!!!!" *turns back* *waves like a frantic lady* *dude seemed slightly shocked* *waved back reluctantly* I couldn't help but laugh. How often can you actually bump into an old friend on the road , literally ? *phone rings* "Yes, dude, it's me right in front of your car !!" HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA. Seriously, I thought this incident was the coolest thing ever . 2. For the first time in my entire life, I went to the shoppin...

Today, is truely a day filled with all sorts of incidents. 1. It rained rather heavily early morning, which made me wet even before I enter class. 2. I wore shorts + sandals to class today, resulting me freezing to death in class. 3. I accidentally dropped my lip balm into the toilet, and I can't even flush it away. 4. I attended PSY316 assessment, thesis talk, PSY316 meeting and PSY302 meeting today. 5. I honked a car who wanted to cut into my lane without looking which almost banged me. 6. Mom called me while I was driving my way back, saying: "We need to go to the bank!" 7. Went to the bank, post office and Watsons with my mom. 8. I almost caused an accident while getting out of my car, because I didn't notice a bicycle coming from behind. Thank God he didn't bang into the other car, or me. 9. I got my thesis topic today, and was thrilled to know I got my supervisor. 10. My desktop was being really weird: internet browsers not loading certain sites, entire brow...

This song totally made my day today. xD LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SONG. LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Honestly, words can't describe how I'm feeling. HAHA. Enjoy this song as much as I do neh! Click on the play button already! Been So Long by Harmony & Melody (aka JaeJoong and YooChun) Originally by M-flo Now. Tell me you love Mr. Micky Park YooChun's awesome rap!!! xD -Jas- *squeeaaaaaalllllls*

"If she's a pretty girl, I'll be the one who walk over to that table and sit there!" *hysterical laughs in the clique* Well, excuse you mister. I heard those words loud and clear enough. *cough cough* Come on. Be a man , not a bitch. LOL. Thank you for telling your pals that I is not a pretty girl. *cough notlikeIdon'tknowthatmyself cough* Somehow it proved that your pals don't have eyes to see and interpret that? And you, yourself, are desperate searching ingroup identity eh? HAHA. *cheers* -Jas- p.s. OKAY so Jasmine was a little irritated and annoyed being targeted, but all is okay. ^^

Every night, before I go to sleep, I will say my prayers to God. I pray, for myself; and for the people close to me. However, the list had shortened. A significant person was no longer there for me to say my prayers. I miss you, great grandpa. -Jas-

Here's a short snippet of a conversation that happened just a few minutes ago. "Baby, which one do you like? Lotus paste with one egg yolk or two egg yolks?" *In a very impossible-to-hear soft voice* "I - " *interrupted* "She likes the one with one egg yolk." "Oh no! I bought the one with two egg yolks! Never mind la~ Give to youngest aunt la~" "......" *self monolog* As long as got egg yolk I like one lo... *went upstairs* So much for my parents to call me baby or darling . =__=" -Jas-

When melody is accompanied by harmony, they both create wonderful colors that brightens up the world. Exactly what I needed after weeks of dull moments and difficult dilemmas. ***** When JaeJoong is the melody, and YooChun is the harmony, together they created colors. Proven that they will be together side by side, through hardships and happy moments. Soulmates for eternity! *hearts* -Jas-

After a day of fun and laughter, reality came in to play its role again. I will be away for the first week of the semester, going back to my mom's hometown for one week. Yes. Emergency. Miss me? ^^ -Jas-

老年还同啊~ 以前小时候的我，还真的有点自闭。 今天开始，我要那个拥有“自闭症”的我回来。 -Jas-

It's been quite a while ever since I had a nightmare that literally made me feeling extremely uncomfortable during my sleep, and nontheless, scared. The nightmare was very very realistic. To top off the icing on the cake, the nightmare involved a very close friend of mine. I was literally freaked out in (and out) of the dream. Try imagine I was grabbing two knives fighting with a guy who's going to kidnap either or kill and/or rape my friend right in front of me, and literally in front of me. They were ridiculously so damn close in front, I tell you. = =" The most devastating thing was I wasn't able to help my friend because the bastard threatened to slash her right in front of my eyes. So, she got dragged away by the guy. Oh, did I mention, the guy appears to be BALD? = =" So anyway, I (made myself) to wake up because I was feeling extremely uncomfortable physically due to the dream. And... apparently my "plan to rescue my friend" did not appear becaus...

有时真的很讨厌漫长的假期。 很讨厌。 因为每天在家，整天给人点来点去。 是也讲，不是也说。 有做， 点 。 没做， 讲。 烦死。 要出去的时候又要报告， 又要这样又要那样， 有时还要被逼听圣经。 烦死。 烦死烦死烦死烦死烦死烦死烦死！！！！！ 你们出去回来又不见得向我报告啦？！ 你们把东西这边丢那边扔我还懒得管！ 干吗老是管我酱多啦？！ 要你们管我的时候就说：你长大了，要自己顾自己，不要老是等人家帮你。 不要你们管我的时候就绑手绑脚，叽里呱啦的。 屁一堆。 言语无法形容我现在快要窒息的心情。 烦死。 啊！！！ 送我弟弟妹妹啦！ 让我折磨一下他们，还有让他们来分担一下也好啦！！ 你们两个还真的死得早。 好坏啊你们，让姐姐我从小到大就酱一个人。 你们在哪边还有彼此作伴叻。 烦啊！！ -Jas-

今天的我，称不上被骂。 可是，被温柔的提醒。 态度上，大大的问题。 其实…… 自己也不是没察觉到。 老实说…… 真的有点不知道如何去改善。 可能，真的有点需要所谓的“距离才会拉近彼此的关系”吧…… *打脑* 我知道了。 虽然我静静没出声。 对不起。 我…… 我会反省，慢慢的改。 然后，真的需要多点忍耐。 还有，需要更多的成熟和理解。 再加上，多一点的角度去逼自己去体会。 -Jas-

I felt that I haven't blog anything since forever. LOL. But, compared to my other fellow blogmates... I update myself a lot here. *boo you losers! xD* I couldn't think up of a title... since it's kind of a random but... not exactly a random thing. Okay nevermind. Why do I have to spend so much time crapping everytime I want to post something? Yesterday, an old friend of mine came to my place to take his stuffs and, well, we had our usual chit-chat again. As always, I just realized that we always talk about the same or similar issues everytime we met. Probably... the "target" is different. HAHA. However, even though we do always talk about the similar issues everytime we met, somehow it gives me more realizations and reminders throughout the conversation. If you're ever reading this man, don't be too proud of yourself. You're still lying very safely in my *cough* you-know-what list . HAHA. It's rather funny how we often will talk about the past, and...

I kept having the same questions repeating itself again and again in my head. Why am I still not over with it yet? Why am I doing this? What are all these for? What do I want from this? Etc. Etc. Etc. It's no longer love. It's a burden. -Jas-

If you don't want to read a pure angry and childish post, I suggest you to ignore this for good. Waking up in a bad and frustrated mood is definitely not a good and healthy way to start my day. Yes. I'm feeling like a totally big ass bitch at the moment. Because there were some things I seriously cannot understand. Come on! When I'm sick, and I want to sleep at night, and in fact I am already half asleep every time you go into my room to check on me. FINE. I don't mind you checking on me since it's a graditute of showing care. BUT do you need to ask me questions at that moment when I'm trying hard to actually to get into my REM sleep? THEN when I throw my fit, you started to lecture me all over again and said my bad temper behavior. WTF?? When YOU'RE having your naps or sleeps, do I even purposely wake you up to ask you questions? Unless it's like super urgent or important or you seriously slept like... hello it's time to seriously wake up already ...

I want my sekshie red HDD in my hands already. ToT Then I want the heaps of photos that someone owe me. Then I want the anime "God (?!) Save our King!" (aka kyokara maoh) from someone also. Then I want to get my ass to organize all my files properly, once and for all. Then I want to burn the dvds for myself and for Kar Mun (yesh yesh I know you wanna kill me d). Then... then.. then... I just wanna molest my sekshie red HDD all I can and all I want!! Gah. I'm desperate yes. -Jas-

Take the title as a sarcasm please . You can't possibly think that being sick is a fun thing, right? Oh well. My entire long holiday is filled with one action: being sick. And I'm not even trying to be sarcasm here. LOL. *sigh* First is the dizziness, then I think it somehow probably maybe gone to the very back of my head now. Next, followed by fever and sore throat right after the trip with my friends. Again, I had so many things that ran through my mind for these few days accompanied by my very close friend fever, and tonsils that were clearly-not-getting-better-and-end-up-swollen-instead. *cough* Oh yeah, that was what my doctor said when I visited her (again for the third time this month; apparently the doc I visited on Sunday was an Indian guy, whom I barely can understand his Inglish and shot me a seriously weird question right before I leave the room: "Are you married?" MIND YOU. That doc is OLD alright.) , she was like: aiyoh, what happen to you this time? ...

As I am a little drained to blog about the awesome trip I had, I am somehow "excited" to do this personality test. LOL. Here are the results! Tsk tsk. I'm an introvert, actually. HAHA. xD Yeah. Now I admit I am. Hehe. *cough*I'm a defender/protector??*cough* -Jas-

到底…… 到底想怎样？ 有点想死命的 对你 胸口一拳一拳的一打再打。 打到我发狂的叫，发狂的哭。 完全不直接性的伤害很痛苦。 很难受。 有点想要你就这样一去不返。 虽然还会伤，可是那种伤是微不足道，可以永远的忍耐。 现在…… 无话可说。 -Jas-

There was one fine day, I was rather bored and refuse to move my butt away from the computer. So, I decided to check my friends' blogs for the umpteenth time for the day, again. And as expected, no one updated their blogs. Yet again, who the hell updates their blog every hour in a day? Unless that person is either: a. work as a full time, 24/7 blogger. b. simply has no life. Then, I was bored again . Because I have nothing to look at. Most importantly, I have nothing interesting to look at. So, I decided to stalk around blogger and keep clicking the "next blog" button starting from one of my friend's blog. I have one discovery. Out of the 10 blogs I came across with by keep clicking the "next blog" button, 9 to 10 of the blogs out of 10 that I saw have photos / pictures in it. Not to mention, I actually manage to stumble across quite a few very interesting, cute and/or meaningful blogs. Personally, I'm thankful for that as it sparked a little something w...

I was watching Music Bank on KBS World earlier today. The performances in that show were recorded live, aka singing is live, dancing is live. But, if there were mistakes (major ones, like wrong dancing moves), it will be re-recorded on set. Enough said about the program. I realized two things while watching the program today. 01. Short hair girls. 02. Backup dancers. Whatever stated below, are plainly my personal views. Not directing fingers to anyone, not giving indirect offences to anyone. Just in case people got a little sensitive and emo while reading my post and thought I'm pointing at them? LMAO I don't know. xD Anyway. I realized that in a group of dancers, or even in a group of singers (for females) there will be (probably at least) one girl who has short hair, and the rest of the group are all long straight or wavy kind of hairstyles. Personally, not that I dislike long hair; yet, girls with short hair always never fail to give me the very same impression and vibe: per...

T.T I so have to call my aunt to search for me. BIG TIME . I WANT IT SO BADLY!!!!!!! -Jas- *edit* EVEN MOM SAID THE BAG IS B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.!!!!! She even said this: "I bet it costs thousands." My reaction: "OOHHHH NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *does the whiny girl thing* "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" She asked this, too: "Where to buy?" My reaction: *sob* "Maa... it's a celebrity's bag... you tell me..." T___________________________T I so can cry. Thank you. *ID is calling me.* I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! Yeah. My ego and superego practically died. -Jas-