this is life.

Sometimes... they thought they are helping you by trying to talk sense into you. But the reality is that what they're doing its eating your sense of self off of you, bit by bit. 做听话的孩子很累，因为父母认为孩子听他们的是天经地义的事情。可是往往他们忘了，孩子有自己的想法和感觉。 有时候真的很累，自己也很纠缠——要听自己的心，还是要听老人言？ 到底生活了那么久，是为了自己而活，还是别人而活？ 很多时候，让自己开心的事物，是父母或者社会和习俗不同意的——就是因为担心别人的眼光。 心里无比的纠缠。 我不知道该怎么做人了。 -Jas-

My classes technically have finished in late October, but I yet to have much rest until now. Having said that, I've been slacking quite a bit throughout this year - and I am still slacking now after coming back from meeting someone today. Yeap, my motivation is pretty much not sticking with me. Alas, motivation.  Honestly, while I thought last year was difficult enough - this year is a different kind of difficulty. I am being challenged in so many aspects, and I really couldn't recall in which earlier points of my life I have feel so overwhelmed with everything. I was tired, extremely fatigued.  Yeap. It is a tough year. It took me a little too long to figure out what was wrong with me, or maybe - what went wrong. To put it simply, there are two main things: (1) how the sense of defeat carried over from last year to this year and I pretty much did not manage to really stand-up with my two feet until today; and, (2) I have been anxious about the past, the present and es...

Helplessness. That's all I can say. -Jas-

I wasn't sure what came through my mind that led me to suddenly thought of "Multiply" - a platform similar to Facebook + Blogger. It was the first place where my blogging/ sharing "vibe" came in. I couldn't remember how I get to know about Multiply... Hmmmm...  But anyhow, I just realized it today that Multiply closed down for good since 31 May 2013! It was quite a shame, and somehow I felt a little emotional and sad about it. Probably it's because I used to be so connected to it before. Now that it's closed, a fraction of my memories and sharing has been dumped into cyberspace, literally. *sigh* Oh well. Probably this is a sign that I should back-up all my blog entries! =\ -Jas-

Finding my way has not been easy. Being a counselor has somehow become simpler. It's so much easier to not know the answers than to try to figure them out. It's so much easier just to be present than to try to be perfect. (Poliks, 2002, p. 37) from the book Counselors Finding Their Way, edited by Jeffrey A. Kottler (2002).

    他说： “我把她生出来养大，我还需要顾虑她的感受啊？ 我是她爸爸耶！”   可笑了。 这样说嘛…… 又不是我愿意被你生出来的，我干嘛要顾虑 你 的感受？   你是人，我不是人，是不是？ 你妈的。   不见得你对你自己的爸爸几么好， 也不顾虑他感受， 你凭什么批评我？ 就因为我半个基因是你的啊？ 你有选择生不生，我没有选择耶！ 什么道理啊？！   你妈的。 不要以为做爸爸的就大完。 孩子也是有心灵感受，有尊严的。 不是生出来一生一世给你控制的。   你妈的。   -Jas-

今天听到的“笑话”…… 公公脚痛，也肿了——他的“好女儿”买了个拐杖给他。 没有带他去看医生就算了，也没有告诉任何人他的状况。 听了，我很生气。 今天，有人告诉我…… 公公说他脚痛到麻痹，感到害怕——甚至用了“好女儿”买的拐杖狠狠地插在脚上，“啊，有痛！”才放心。 问了公公，为什么不打电话给孩子们；他说：“我不知道他们的电话号码。大纸上面写的，字都浅了，看不到！” 听了，我很心痛。 我有问公公的其中一个孩子，为什么竟然会什么都不知道（因为明明一个礼拜，有一两天是有“好孩子”去看看他的）。 孩子竟然怪在老人家身上——说老人家怪怪的，孩子问了不答，也不告诉孩子；儿媳妇问了，才告诉状况。 我说啊，你们这班孩子们是废材。 死了，世界就干净了一些。 你妈的。 -Jas-

You always manage to pick yourself up - with or without help from any forces. It's okay, Jasmine. You always do. =) Nothing else you need to believe besides yourself, and your own abilities. It's okay. -Jas-

There's a saying that every cloud has a silver lining. I think... it's very true.  But it depends whether if you want to search for that silver lining or not. I think I saw one today. =) -Jas-

I should be doing my assignment... lol. I shall (try to)make this a quick, short blog. Being 197347023847203984234710980943834573094857 miles away from home, I thank God for the invention of Skype that made communication easier and friendlier (even though I always complain how Skype performed badly at times). I just Skyped back home a short while ago, with mom ending the session: "I miss you-lah!" *disconnects* And I'm guessing she's showering her face with some tears. Welp. =/ There's a Chinese saying that "every family has a difficult mantra", which means in every household, there will be their very own difficulties of any sort. This, of course, applies to my own immediate family and two different sides of extended families. In yesterday's family therapy class, there was a discussion about "family myths/ beliefs" that we possess or practice within our own families. One of the myths discussed was "family members should be happy to...

After Tuesday's (19 Mar '14) ethics class... I think I sort of changed my perception towards the usage of toys, or rather "symbols" within Roger's counselling terms. I've always associated toys with children, mostly. Something that they use to learn and have fun along the way through play or imagination. Until when I was introduced with play therapy back in undergrad years, new perceptions about toys were formed. Toys are language or communication tools children use to express themselves in various aspects; they are not just "toys" for children, but can help represent their thoughts if used in the right environment. Of course, the usage of toys may be therapeutic and beneficial for children in general; but it could also help adults in similar ideas. I remember the first lab group I have attended a couple weeks ago, and I asked the lab tutor if we're allowed to use the toys. She immediately corrected me, by saying: "Now, these are not toy...

Hello. =) There are so many things going through my mind right now, to the extent of blank thoughts - trying to numb away all of those issues and emotions that had been swelling within me for a long long time... I sat down here and realize (once again), how not giving/ making myself some time to really sit down and process all of these stuffs that are lurking within me has been lighting one red light after another about my own psychological well being and behaviours.  I never really utilize this outlet I have been owning for such a long time - to express or lash out anything, or rather almost everything. Happiness, sadness, gratefulness, anger, disappointments, worries, fears, serenity, hopes, dreams... How much I have complained that I don't have 'me' time for the past 2-3 years due to work life... For the past year I have sort of earned it back by being a full time student again and perhaps had been using this platform a teeny bit more actively. So... here I am. I...

I have loads of stuff to blog about, but I never really had the encouragement to do so - what a way to end 2013 & kick start 2014!   Sometimes I think life is pretty challenging (heck, it's damn farking challenging as hell) - especially when one just realized that the more you run away from something, the more you are going to go head on with it and being jammed on the face repeatedly.   Well... not feeling too good about this, because it leads me to question myself - how much longer can I hold?   Happy new year, Jasmine.   -Jas-