this is life.

...how does it feel like to die? Before I say anything else, if you think that I'm going to die or actually attempted suicide, you're wrong. I'm just curious, ok?! But seriously, have you ever wondered how does it feel like to die? How does dying feels like? Is it painful? Is it suffering? Is it true that there's another world after death? Is it true that you will under go a tunnel with a bright light in front of you? Is it true that you will see your past memories or your past deeds in your life when you're going to die? Only one way to find out all that answers: die. Haha~ The sad thing is, by that time, you are unable to tell others the answer!! Because you're dead by then! Nothing much~ Just curiousity... Heh~ -Jas-

I just visited one of my friends blog, and that post of his remind me of what I've wanted to post here some time ago. (Thanks! If you're reading this, maybe you know I'm talking about you~ haha~) Well, I wondered how many people that I know have actually experienced the pain and the sadness over a close one's death? At least I did. And it was...... tragic indeed. It was year 2005, one of the worst years ever. There were so many people died. My friends' relatves, my dearest god-father (who is my maternal uncle as well, he kept me as his god-daughter because he didn't have any children), a construction worker that was building my school's new building fell off the building, my paternal aunt's husband... Too many that I can't really remember... And on late 2004, a friend of mine died in a car accident. On early 2006, a teacher in my high school passed away due to heart attack...... Too many deaths to mention... Oh, and those artists too... So so so many...

People thought that all they need in a relationship is love. Well, and other values such as loyalty, trust, caring… Whatever values that you think it is needed in a relationship, just put it in. (Because I can’t really think of anything else, haha~) However, I don’t really think the value called “love” is enough to get things started and to get the “wheels” running. In my personal opinion, there’s one very important “element” needed in a relationship, or even before anything else has even developed. The so-called “element” is: guts. If you’re laughing, or think that what I’m saying is just simply pathetic, you can just continue laughing, and not read it. Or, you can read it if you like, just to know what I think about it. Still think that I’m possibly joking? No, I’m not. I DO think that “guts” IS the most important value needed (well, besides love-lah, without love, then why is the relationship started anyway? LOL) Try to think about it. Before anything else, you need guts...

Some memory of mine. Haha~ Suddenly I wondered how does it feel like to be a child, or probably children's parent? If you're thinking that I feel like getting married and have a baby or something, hell, you're so damn wrong. Why is there even such a thought in my brain? Because of my parents! I wondered what had got into them this morning. I was watching TV, then I suddenly overheard their conversation. They were mentioning things that happened when I was still a young girl. LOL! They were saying that I was easy to take care of, because I'm not naughty, I'm cute, I'm obidient, I'm... Whatever "cute" and "nice" terms that a little kid have. I was like oh-not-again... They gave me the feeling like: finally my little girl has grown up, and time flies! Mom was saying:" When she was young, she told her aunt ' Aunt! 1, 2, 3... Smack!'" to my dad this morning. Wondering what does that mean? That is when mom wanted to smack me w...

Didn't know what the freaking hell has gone into me... I'm terribly hopeless now... Gosh... I'm sooooo immature now... Damn... I need some stimuli here... Piano. Something I LOVED when I was young. Then, I had to change to another new teacher because I've moved to a new place. And, that teacher totally sucks. I don't even touch my piano. Not even ONE SINGLE KEY. I still can play quite perfectly by then, with THAT kind of grade. *laughs* Then, I changed to another teacher because the second teacher totally sucks. *sorries* And this teacher? Yea, she's good, but still not as good as the first one, I think. She have the passion, raging passion towards music - piano. Thanks to her, she kind of brought back the old soul that I used to have. After a few years, I lost it again. And I'm STILL lost. SHIT. I can die!!! I've paid my examination fees for my grade 8 practical fees. And what I'm doing now? I'm still sticking my buttocks on this old chair, sitt...

...how does it actually feel to be a single child ? Well, I'm here to answer you that question. And to tell others (that is, IF those who happen to see this blog, and are curious to know) that some of the perception about "single child" is... I wouldn't say it's wrong, but it is somehow untrue in some families and situations. Normally others... Oh, maybe those who still don't really know me, are curious, why I actually wrote this topic? Am I somehow eligible to write this? Yes, I AM eligible, because I AM a single child. It's not that I have a power, but I understand more than those who have siblings in their families, and well... I do understand more, either more or less, than others about being a single child. Normally these are what others think about a single child: 1. he/she is the pearl of his/her parents 2. he/she can get (almost) everything he/she wants 3. he/she got pampered like !@*&#$*&^! by his/her parents 4. his/her parents love them l...

P.S. This was written some time ago. Warning: Be prepared before you read whatever is posted below. It might and/or might not relate to you and/or me. (Think while you read it.) You said that they are strangers, You said that they are not dependable, You said that they are not sincere, You said that they are bad, You said that they might have a hidden knife behind me, You said that they are worthless, You said that they make me pick the wrong road, You said that they are a trap, You asid that they are heartless. You know what? Whatever. You said that they spoilt me, You said that they brainwashed me, You said that they only see money, You said theat they won't care my life or death, You said that they said bad tings about everyone, You said that they are not read, You said that they just want to use me, You said that they are "buying" my heart with "materials". You know what? Whatever. You said that they spoiled me, too, you said that they care, love and worry m...

Heck... MSN is making me frustrating now... For the whole day, I still can't sign in! LOL... Anyway, just let me start off. This happened when I was staying at my maternal grandmother's house. One day, I went upstairs of the house to my grandmother's room (where I, my grandmother, my mother and aunt slept together). There's a (ancient) sewing machine in the room. Well, of course there are many things like needles, threads, bla bla bla... Instruements that needed for sewing. So, I was in front of the room, going to step my... right foot in, then my grandmother just said :" STOP! Don't come in, here take this to downstairs. I want to look for a needle. I dropped it just now." I said :" Oh, okay~" Then I saw her knelt down, quite... difficultly knelt down on the wooden floor (no, I'm not staying in a wooden house, the floor happens to be made out of wood), then her arms spread, hands touched on the floor to look for the lost needle. (Oh, she...