Fatigue.




I have to cook dinner for myself, again.

I honestly do not find the point of staying at this place so-called "home",
when I do not get to even have ONE meal out of three meals a day at home.


It's not that I'm not willing to cook.
It's not that I don't know how to cook, at all.
It's not that I don't want to grow up and be independent.


I don't feel I have anything else that I want from either of you, because you disappoint me for as long as I lived. When I kept quiet, it doesn't mean I don't feel or care. I didn't like to verbalize every single thing in my heart, when I do think you are the people so-called knows my heart and attitude the best aside from myself.


Just because I couldn't ask anything more from you, is cooking a meal for me once everyday a burden already? Do you know sooner or later in my life, I will be alone not being able to taste those cooking anymore? Do you know sooner or later you'll leave me and I don't get to eat those anymore? Do you know I would spend the most of my life cooking for myself, being independent? Why couldn't you see all these? Just because I don't tell you, right?


Right.
It's all my fault.

My fault to not get myself living outside when I stepped into college.
My fault for listening to you said staying at home would be less burdensome because I don't have to cook, clean, and spend more expenditures.
My fault for falling into one of those broken promises again.

Yeap.
It's all my fault.
Because it's all my own choice.


-Jas-

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