this is life.

I spent all my life wondering how . How would it feel like if I had a younger sibling? It's really sinister when my friends keep telling me how envious they were that I'm an only child, without realizing how much longing I had to have my own siblings. Suddenly missing the two of you, who were unfortunate (or probably, fortunate) to not being able to see how the world looks like. :) -Jas-

I don't know what I'm doing with my thesis. I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm so darn screwed. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone do my thesis for me please!!! *superego talks* Chill Jasmine, chill. You have it right at the back of your head. Just that... you can't verbalize what you want, that's all. *pats* T-T -Jas-

I want to leave my home, my parents, my relatives, my country, so badly. Really badly. All of these, don't bring me any happiness. None. Zero. Negative. The few things that kept me holding on, where I am right here right now, are my parents, and my friends, also my lovelies in my room (a.k.a. my stuffs). Distance makes the heart grew fonder. I see that when I get to step out and away for good. I truly don't deserve what I am experiencing right now. Every time I said, "I had enough." I meant it with every single cell in my body. Even so, I never fail to get myself stand back up again. Even I, myself, wasn't sure what was it that made me did it again and again. I want to leave. I want to stay away from this hell. For all the sins I had done, I may be deserved to live in hell. However, for the reason that I was brought onto this world I deserve to experience a piece of heaven. I had made my decision. Even if I may not have what it takes to grant my Masters degree, I ...

Feeling miserable because of some people in the house. Feeling miserable because of the indirect purposes of some actions in the house. Feeling miserable because of knowing the true meanings of the actions in the house. Feeling miserable because of absorbing the negative energy that is not mine. Seriously. Give me a fucking break. Please let this year end sooner than I think. And I shall find a way to fly away, literally. Or, let me die within this year. So that the ones living will continue suffer, and me being an angel in disguise will bless those who are still living live a longer life just to torture them. Peace. -Jas-

……都是虚伪的。 一切都是假象。 我也要人家有的开心。 他们……给我只有伤害。 我真的放弃了。 你们快点闪吧。 与其面对假象，我宁愿面对事实。 因为假象比事实更痛。 -Jas-

哪个你妈的王八蛋再让我听到： “我没有钱啊。” 或类似的词句…… 迟早你妈的被我骂得狗血淋头。 你祖宗一百八十代一样一次过被我数。 等着瞧。 如果真的没钱， 就不要给我看到你花。 没钱等于没得花钱。 竟然没钱，干嘛还可以买贵的？ 竟然没钱，干嘛还可以吃喝玩乐个不停？ 竟然没钱，干嘛还买一大堆有的没的？ 竟然没钱，干嘛还要装豪爽？ 一个两个白痴。 智商比零还少。 连智商残障的都比你们还更会想。 一个两个整天说 没钱 的家伙们 给我滚到越远越好。 妈的。 -Jas-

Ever since my elementary school graduation, I had literally lost contacts with my old classmates. Even though some of us went to the same high school, and same stream or classes... graduation may seem like a new step towards something bigger, yet it also means some ends. I don't deny that I literally suck being a friend in terms of keeping contact with each other. And yes I know some of you who are reading this are nodding your heads away, haha~ Buy hey, guess what? I attended the biggest gatherings (aside from birthday parties, lol) so far, yesterday! My elementary school classmates, all together under one roof. ;D There were 52 of us back then in our little (in terms of space, not number) class. And around 30-34 of us were present yesterday. I guess we totally caused a havoc in the cafe. xD Hahahhaha~ To be really frank, well it was kind of boring for me because I don't have my own clique back then (surprise, surprise eh?). And nonetheless I wasn't even close to most of t...

Is it just me...? Or what used to belong with me, had really already flew away? The weakness of a scorpion as being a skeptic person. But, I can't help it. I need someone to tell me that it belongs to me, then only I feel assured. Yet, I had never had the guts to ask. Well, it's always time since my childhood days to be really independent. Probably this is when the real "being independent" issue kicks in, hard enough. *pats self* -Jas-

I wonder if there's anyone experiencing the same thing as I am right now. A.T.M.? Life's God Damn miserable. Why? Because again, and again, I had been wasting my entire holiday doing nothing. So alright I read a few journals, but have I started writing it? Nope. Have I started planning it? Technically, no. Vaguely, yes. * For the past couple weeks of my holidays, I prayed hard to fall sick. Yeap, I ain't joking. I WANT TO BE SICK. Why? Well... been too stressed for the past semester, and I kinda need the "sickness" to boast my health once again. Apparently, no I didn't really fall sick. Not even after purposely washing my mom's car under full blazed sun. *scoff* However, tomorrow's the first day of the semester. Even though I don't have class for that,I got some miserable "sickness" a.t.m. Wow, talking about procrastination here. Even "sickness" procrastinate until the very very last minute! I don't even know what's wron...

Uh... I just tagged my post " inspirational " when I'm currently " inspiration-less ". Oh well whatever. It's funny how I kept on telling my friends this: When others tell you their problems, don't just hear them out. Listen them instead. Feel with them. Empathize them. Help them only if you have the ability to help them, aside from being a listener. It is normal that their problems and emotions will affect you. However, as selfish and heartless it may sound, always remember that the problem is theirs and not your own. Never take the emotions and problems back with you, and make them your burden. Because those are theirs from the start, not yours. Little did I learn that... I did not acquire those words that I had said. Little did I realize that... it applies to myself as a friend, family member, and future counselor-to-be. I kept asking myself for the past year, why was I the one who always got hurt when the initial problem wasn't mine? A bold answe...

Seriously. Some people are just plain annoying ! If you don't want to give yourself a life, others are definitely much more worthy than you to have a life! You're considered as doing a good deed when you don't make others' life miserable. Didn't God teach us that? Even I know nothing about the bible, I can bet you on that God agrees with me. LOL. It's plain human philosophy, hello . Kids nowadays. Seriously. -Jas-

People! I happen to stumble this really cute and creative bloggie. Definitely worth to click on! ;) I'm already addicted to the idea and little ickle and Lardee~ xD Cute names, no? Now... keep scrolling... Look at this picture! "Run!" Ain't them the cutest thing?! xD Click on the link already! My Milk Toof. I already linked the site at my side bar, so do visit it sometimes~ ;D It gives good laughs! xD -Jas-

The courage to allow momentarily breakdown, is what enables me to stand back up again. The willingness to allow emotions sink and twirl, is what makes me being me again. I'll no longer run or hide, I'll let it take over me temporarily, because that's the route to exit. Pronto. How could I not realize and accept this sooner? I do learn it, now . -Jas-

It's the second day of new year. And I thought of coming some new year resolutions. Yet, I sort of chickened out and decided to not have fixed resolutions. Hehe... lame eh? I do have some... thoughts that I kept to myself that I, again, hope that I'll be able to fulfill it within this new year. Therefore, no well defined resolution will be one of my resolutions this year. Also, self kept resolutions will be the rest of my resolutions I have along the year. ;D -Jas-

Wow. My brain literally went blank at this moment. *sigh* Oh. One thing though. I suppose today is the day of the year that the statistics people updating their blogs, journals, and have some fun out of the house or in the house being the highest in 365 days! Also, long post ahead I presume. I wouldn't say the last day of every year is like every other day in a year. Somehow there's some special feeling on the last day of a year. A day that I would reflect a lot, and look back. What had I been through in the past 364 days? Every time I would ask the same question to myself, and being unable to grasp an answer. Simply because there were too many things (in every flavor of life) that I had been through and it was impossible to recap everything. In other words, I learnt a lot and too much to be portrayed into words. Even so, most of the times it would be because I couldn't really remember what I did for the past 364 days simply because... I did too many things, too, and nothin...

今天又掉进自己的老陷井去了。 哎～ 喂！ 几时要爬回来啊！ 很需要你啦～ 功课上，心理上，和精神上需要你回来啦～ 还有！需要逗久一点啦！ 哎哟。 酱子会一直拖啦… 快点回来噢，乖～ *闷* -Jas-

... for a true holiday. *cries* I'm so freaking stressed at the moment! Thesis how?! THESIS HOW?!?!?!! I'm unable to contact my supervisor... HOW?!?!?!?!?! T.T I don't want to read journals... I don't want to write thesis proposal... I don't want to know anything about ERB... HOW HOW HOW HOW... T.T *frustrated* -Jas-

;D Merry x'mas and happy new year to you who are reading this! ****** Christmas had never been anything special to me - it has always been another normal day in a year. Well, this year there wasn't anything special either! *laughs* I didn't have anywhere to go, or anyone to hang out with for this festive season (as usual anyway). All I did is just wasting my time doing nothing at home for another day (which... I know I should be doing quite some reading instead... *sigh*). Okay probably not entirely wasting my day, I did do the laundry and put on my creative cap. ;D Plus, dad and I had to go have dinner with grandpa tonight as there wasn't anyone accompanying him today (which is after all a festive season). Nothing special, as usual. *laughs* Sound sad huh? Well, not really. It's just another one of those days when you felt a little contentedness. The day sort of changed when my mobile phone rang - my aunt called me to call back when I got home. And I did. So I took...

It's really sad to not being able to yell: "YAY!!! FINALLY IT'S HOLIDAY!!!!!!" T.T Darn you thesis, darn you! And apparently my supervisor didn't reply any of my emails... Oh me gawd. HOKAY. SAD STORIES ASIDE! ***** Finally, I attended prom! ;D The last time I attended one was waaaaay back in 2006, which I had to say it was awesome! However, this time's prom was even more awesome because I'm spending it with the right people, at the right time and most of all, rockin' performances throughout the night! Oh oh, the foods were nice, too! Though it's kinda sad I didn't get to taste the desserts! *boo* So everything started off with an early morning, I couldn't get myself back to sleep at 6.50am. Go figure. After all the sweeping and mopping the house, off I headed to the prom's location for rehearsals! Of course, I didn't go there alone. Haha. I had to pick MJ up on the way, too. ;D It's good to have company, no? The place... well t...

对啊。 注定我孤独终老。 没有没有家人，没有另一半，也没有朋友。 只有自己。 ***** 妈妈的话，到现在都是对的。 你，是一个自私的朋友。 这么多年了你一样没有变。 烦死。 ***** Cognitive dissonance. Reaction formation. ***** 命中注定遇见你。 爱你，同时恨你。 -Jas-