this is life.

Finally, one NOT DEPRESSING post from me~ Haha!^^ I wanted to say this... very very sincerely. THANK YOU. To whom?? Haha... just let me tell you some... "stories" then~ Well, normally, during festive celebrations, I don't feel any happier or in the mood to celebrate em~ (Well basically I'm just not that type of people who goes hyper with festive seasons. LOL.) Unfortunately, its nothing different for me either this year~ Okay so... its a little bit different~ Haha. I first went to my bestie's place on a Saturday, and hung out at her place for quite a while~ I missed those quality times with her so much!! ^^ *hugs* Thanks dear, you made me my day! And, also catching up with each other's lives (as well as *cough*gossiping*cough*) which was totally fun when the mood to chat is on~ Haha, I felt her home was MY home... because again, I can't help myself to help her serve the guests and wash the dishes~ LOL~ After I drove myself home, another bunch of my close f...

Mmh... First off, I'm in the very bottom of my circle of mood right now. Okay, maybe not exactly the very bottom... But I'm sure it's somewhere near, down there. Oh gee... What a great way to start my first blog of year 2008 eh? Let's go straight to the point. I'm tired. Of... everything. I'm tired of people around me. I'm tired of things around me. I'm tired of dreaming about dreams that are meant to be dreams. I'm tired of asking who I really am. I'm tired of searching myself. I'm tired of making myself stay strong. I'm tired of letting go, and not able to let go at the same time. I'm tired of words. I'm tired of the truth and facts. I'm tired of trying to be what others want and don't want me to be. I'm tired of worrying about my future. I'm tired of thinking, knowing how my future will be like. I'm tired of knowing I am not the person that I thought I am. I'm tired of doubting myself. I'm tired of s...

Yes yes... I know I'm pathetic... Hahahahha~~ (Darn I bloody hate this keyboard of my bro's pc!!!!!!! *grumbles*) Since I have nothing much to do here, and now... I think I should something a tad bit more meaningful than the last two posts here... So how's year 2007?? Looking back... Hmm... I'm not sure actually... But I do think that it's a year full of ups and downs. And not to mention I will not ever forget how torturing the four months of holiday I had... Omgsh... TOTAL BOREDOM!!!! Besides the fact that I was DBSK-ing nonstop... =.= So yeah... Finishing off my foundation year, which was simply fun and memorable and... I don't know... NEW in my life!! After all, it's a big change from highschool to pre-u! And now?? I'm in my first year of bachelor degree!! Eventhough it's only the first sem of my first year, I'm already loving it. AND like I said, it's only the first semester... I felt as if I'm there for a long time... ^^ Besides havi...

ahhhhhh.... too bad i'm sooo not in the mood to post right now.. but i feel bad for not posting something for the last few days of 2007!! so... yes another nothing-ness post~ hahahhahah~ plus i'm in overseas... and i'm dreadfully missing my PC!!!!!!! T_____________T but i duwanna leave too soon yet cz... i haven't had enough shopping... hahahahha~~ oh well, to keep this nice and short~ happy new year for those who happen to read this!! i wish you sincerely, all the best in this new year~ new year, new beginning~ ^^ -Jas-

This is gonna be my shortest post in here. WHY? I feel like... blogging. Sort of... but due to the fact that I'm not feeling well, that it's already 2225, which means I should be in bed, that I don't want to get any worse, that I wanted to stay strong to get my butt to auditions, that I wanted to be physically fit when I go back to Thailand, to shop and have fun till I drop... I am going to bed. NOW. -Jas- p.s. Gee, I haven't updated my blog for nearly a month? *sweat drops*

YESH!! I AM PROCASTINATING!!! LOL. Yeah I can't get myself to work for... DAYS!!! T^T And I'm so running out of time at the moment. YET, see? I'm here typing a blog instead of the blardy assignment... *totally in vain* Why? I just don't feel like doing it. I am VERY THRILLED for this Saturday's concert!!! *tries very VERY hard supressing it* Yes I am still supressing it~ LOL. Keep the best for the last~ *winks* HOLA! I've been crapping (again)! YAYness!! =.=" Okay back to my... *cough*topic*cough*. Ahhhh as those who read my blog (if there are even readers *cricket chirps* oh wait... do criket 'chirp'? WHATEVER.), would be thinking: gosh, Jas is having so many things bugging her. YEP! INDEED! That's what this blog for anyway, to let SOME PART of em OUT. Are dreams meant to be achieved? I believe yes. If not, what's the point of having dream or dreams? Yet, I don't think mine is... achiveable. I have several dreams. Some remained since I ...

Hmm... Can I even describe myself in that phrase? Haha~ Again, I'm not sure. Geez, there's been too much uncertainty recently. I found myself... a stranger to myself. LOL. Probably it's because I'm still undergoing my... teenage years? Being rebelient (or however the word is spelt =.=), and searching for my identity. Who am I? The easiest, brainless answer will be: I am me. However, who exactly is... me? Back to my topic, "even good girls want to be bad girls, sometimes.". Why do I even mention it? Simply because I found it rather realistic and true at the same time. I used to be labeled as the "good girl". I don't think I'm eligable for that so-called "good girl" anymore. Sometimes I find it really tiring to be a "good girl". You have to reach up others' expectancies, and maintain them or improve them. Sometimes I have to say, I have my own ways of doing things as well; but because of the so-called "good girl...

Do you know anything about your own talents? Or maybe I should put it like this. Do you have talents? Do you even know what kind of talents you have or do not have? Try asking me. I shall answer with three simple magical words. I don't know. Haha~ You see this coming, don't you? xD Probably you might be thinking... What made my bringing up this topic? Well I intended to bring this up like... Ages ago! However I just didn't do anything with this topic and it's been wasting my brain's "hard disk" storage. LOL. So... Now what? What are talents? *checks with dictionary.com* Great. Now my connection's NOT CO-OPERATING WITH ME. Anyways, please check that out yourself. I believe that talents are something that not everyone has it. For example: not everyone can sing IN TUNE or play an instrument, MULTITASK like a PRO, being able to speak and learn various of languages and sort of master them... AND BEING CONSISTENT or GETTING BETTER at the talents that one pos...

I have totally lost touch of having nice, good titles for my bloggie... =.= I believe this is the side effect of not posting for a long long LONG time?? *sighs* But, yeh... SOMETHING's bugging me for no reason. LOL. Seriously. This thing adds on my curiousity towards... HUMAN BEINGS. Although I kind of figured out the logic (if it even is one LOGIC) of this... matter. I went to the psychiatrist with my mom yesterday. As usual, I will see quite a number of patients... Different kinds of patients... Mostly, children. Yes. CHILDREN. LOL. Those who... don't really know too much about me, might thought that I was the one who have to visit the psychiatrist? *laughs* Haha~ Oh well! *shrugs* Anyhoo, back to what I was saying. I saw parent(s) bringing along with their child in the clinic, and I couldn't really tell that if they are... abnormal or something, but they really looked like a normal child. THE LOOKS OF IT. Yes. Like a normal child? Yes. However, their actions and the way ...

Wow... It's been like MONTHS since I've posted a topic in this blog. Gosh I feel soooo sorry for my honey, bloggie~ *huggies bloggie* I missed you from time to time neh!! But it's just difficult to get myself to work these days... Talking about lacking of self-discipline... *cough* Don't get my title wrongly. Haha... Maybe those who saw this title will have sparks in their eyes and thought: OOOHHHHHHH... She broke up with her boyfriend or something?? HECK NO. I'm still a happy single~ Haha! Although I kind of feel lonely at times~ LOL~ Lucky there are human beings labeled as FRIENDS. Or else, my world will be even more dull... *hugs all my besties and pals* Oh, this is going to be A LONG POST. I don't know how far will this go, but I had a feeling that this is gonna be one heck of a long post. LOL~ (As you can see, the way I present myself into words is different compared than previous posts... I think~ xD) Heartaches. Heartbreaks... What made me come of with th...

Wow... I've abandoned my blogger blog for a long looonnnggg time. I've missed this blog all the time... Seriously... Haha... I just lost the inner motivation to blog my thoughts. *smiles* Anyway, this will not be a lenghty post. I just wanted to jot down some little things that were mentioned when I had a conversation with my mom. I can't remember what exactly brought us to the topic... Oh yeah... Korean dramas... LOL. *laughs* We were talking that, nothing's predictable in life. Yes? True? I'm sure everyone agrees with this statement. You'll never know when will your life end or maybe a sudden luck falls on you. True? Can you tell me when you're going to die? Or when your wish will come true? If you can answer me these questions, I seriously think you have to go for a mental check-up. Serious. Anyhoo... Like I was saying, NOTING's predictable in life. In other words, there's no such thing as 'certaincy'. Nothing's for certain in our live...

This time, I am seriously - lost. I don't know what kind of problem I'm having, but I know there's more than one problem going on, with... me? I made both my parents cry in one day. Yes. Cry. Either silently or in front of me. I cried too. They said I've been treating them like as if they're nothing. And I haven't got the slightest clue why. I'm the one who have the problem? I have no answer to that. However, my mom said I've been really acting weird since my holidays until now. (I'm still in a holiday.) I kept thinking, what I've done? Yes, I know I've been rude to them in words, and also actions. They said I did not respect them. Did I? I seriously don't know what has gotten into me. However, I don't want the answer from them. I realize that... Sometimes... They just don't know what I want. They just make my decisions. Sometimes... I feel that they don't respect me, too. They said I let others control my life. Which is true,...

*Ok... so my "soon" is like after a month PLUS. Haha~ Recently, a friend of mine told me that a person might confess to him/her. He/she didn't wish that would happen because it might affect their friendship. He/she asked me, what can he/she do? He/she doesn't want to hurt that person who might confess his/her feelings to him/her. I asked my friend, do you like him/her then? My friend answered, he/she just take him/her as a friend. Well? Case solved. Since you've already know what's the answer that you will give to the person, and you're clear about your feelings, let it be. Yes, it will hurt the person who confesses to you and knows that he/she won't get the love that he/she wants from you. However, what I wanted to say here is that, we human beings have to be selfish sometimes. Even when it comes to love, people have to be - selfish. No one, wants to hurt a friend. Well... At least most of the people... LOL. However, whenever it comes to lovey-dovey i...

Haha~~ I have better things to do, however, I did this instead! http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/235429 Go and try this out and see how much you can get~ kakakkaa~~~ By the way, will update my blog soon. Pretty soon. Sorry for the delay~ -Jas-

I assume that most of you who are reading this knows that there's a very famous painting called "Mona Lisa" painted by Leonardo DaVinci (if i'm not mistaken). I'm not very sure why is the painting was so well known around the world. However, I believe that there's something behind Mona Lisa's smile. I heard from people that the painting was famous because of her smile: the smile that is not only just a smile. No... I'm not going to discuss about Mona Lisa here! Haha~ I'm mentioning "the smile that is not only just a smile". Hmm... Let's make it a little simpler (?): the truth behind the smile. When you see a person in front of you, smiling or laughing, does that mean that he/she is actually happy or feeling funny? Not exactly. I remember I've posted a blog called "Mask". It is somewhat similar to what I've mentioned some time ago. Things are just not what it seems to be. You couldn't really tell that the person w...

*Ok, I'm confused whether to put "Tear" or "Tears". Because... Well... I'm not sure!* Firstly, I would like to say thank you. I thank you, tears, because you helped me realize some things that are always forgotten. Sometime ago, I had a friend who sent me a short message like this: This is a conversation between smile and tears. Smile : Why were you exist in this world, tears? Tears : Why is it that I cannot exist in this world then? Smile : Well, not many people like you, you know? Isn't that 'smile' is enough in this world? If 'smile' is what everyone wanted, then... why are you here?? Tears : The reason I exist in this world is because, without me, the people in this world would not understand what is happiness - which is represented by a smile in people's face. And therefore, people would learn how important is happiness to them and the people around them. I did not narrate the original message well, however I hope tho...

I've lost it. I've totally lost it. Lost what? You may ask. I've lost myself, ultimately. I've lost the way I used to look at this world. I've lost the way I used to look at my life. I've lost it... No... I am lost... Who am I? Why is it I'm alive? Why is it that I was born in the first place? What is the real definition of life? Why I am facing whatever I'm facing right now? I need a holiday, a real one. I need a break, to catch my breath, to gather up my real self. I need it, desperately. I hope to just escape whatever I'm facing. Immature thinking? Whatever you want to say to me. I want to just throw everything I have now. What role am I playing now? Can I exchange roles with you? Sadly, I don't think this can happen. It's dangerous to know that I'm starting to loose faith, in things around me. I'm tired. Mentally. I wish I could just let go. However, the truth is I cannot, as it is a duty, a challenge, a task, a mission, a.... wha...

... that I didn't post up any new posts. Well, basically, I'm now really busy with many things such as preparing for my college's exams, many asssignments are given and due dates are even nearer as the clock ticks every second, need to get ready for my piano pracitcal exam (keeping all my fingers crossed at the moment)... And, something that is worse than that: emotional roller-coaster. Too many things happened at the same time. Exactly, the SAME TIME. Despite those really busy works I have to do, I'm fine with it... The thing is too many things happen because of emotions. And I'm starting to get really tired of it. One thing haven't gone through yet, the other comes in. And on and on it goes... How tired is that? Don't ask me. All I can say is, it's definately nothing pleasent about it. I seriously need a break. However, I just simply can't. Whatever... Anyway, I'll be posting new posts soon. Wouldn't be THAT soon though~ Haha~ Till then, se...

...how does it feel like to die? Before I say anything else, if you think that I'm going to die or actually attempted suicide, you're wrong. I'm just curious, ok?! But seriously, have you ever wondered how does it feel like to die? How does dying feels like? Is it painful? Is it suffering? Is it true that there's another world after death? Is it true that you will under go a tunnel with a bright light in front of you? Is it true that you will see your past memories or your past deeds in your life when you're going to die? Only one way to find out all that answers: die. Haha~ The sad thing is, by that time, you are unable to tell others the answer!! Because you're dead by then! Nothing much~ Just curiousity... Heh~ -Jas-

I just visited one of my friends blog, and that post of his remind me of what I've wanted to post here some time ago. (Thanks! If you're reading this, maybe you know I'm talking about you~ haha~) Well, I wondered how many people that I know have actually experienced the pain and the sadness over a close one's death? At least I did. And it was...... tragic indeed. It was year 2005, one of the worst years ever. There were so many people died. My friends' relatves, my dearest god-father (who is my maternal uncle as well, he kept me as his god-daughter because he didn't have any children), a construction worker that was building my school's new building fell off the building, my paternal aunt's husband... Too many that I can't really remember... And on late 2004, a friend of mine died in a car accident. On early 2006, a teacher in my high school passed away due to heart attack...... Too many deaths to mention... Oh, and those artists too... So so so many...