this is life.

I should be reading journals at this hour but oh well... *cough*eventhoughi'vebeenslackingonewholeday*cough* It's been two days I woke up at almost 9am. Gosh, I really have to change back to my old sleep early (or even late), and wake up early (to me... 7am isn't really early. lol.). I haven't been feeling fresh in the morning for quite a while ever since I got back from my trip to USA. Got to do something with this... Anyway, I had a ridiculously long dream this morning. For once, I dreamed of something that is rather logical; though there was one slight moment where the scene and theme changed and yet, it still made sense overall. Actually I didn't know what to categorize the dream that I dreamed. (Oh God, here comes the Freudian analysis of the unconscious mind that appears in dreams and those stuff. *wipes off*) It gave me a really weird sensation.... a mixture of emotions. I felt love (as in falling in love), extreme sadness, hatred, (a lot of) confusion, and f...

也许是自己想太多，太远，太离谱了。 天蝎啊~ 老是这样怀疑自己，怀疑别人真是累死自己噢。 真是烦死自己所谓的第六感……老是质疑自己，不相信它。 可是，我乱了。 分不清楚了…… 算了。 慢慢来吧。 -Jas-

All of a sudden, I did not want "relationship love" to appear in my life. Just a sudden moment. Yet, one thing that never changed is that: "Friendship love" is always beautiful. Somethings won't change, but somethings would. Escape. -Jas-

If the so-called "superego" holds moral value within our subconscious and unconscious mind so that our "ID" does not act out it's undesirable desire... I wonder if mine is suppressing it strong enough to not go to the "ego" state. Oh thank you Mr. Sigmund Freud for such a wonderful (as well as pain in the bottom) theory of yours to complicate our understandings. ***** When you understand about something that is forbidden to be done (no matter in which kind of form), yet you go against it, I wonder if there's any way to turn back to the right track. When you don't understand about the reason that something is forbidden to be done (again, no matter in which kind of form), yet you go against it consciously or unconsciously, I wonder too if there's any way to turn back to the right track. However... what is the right track? ***** What was being said and taught about human beings today, was painfully and factually true. Seeing it, going through ...

I will marry yoochun . After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in hawaii in our fabulous Apartment . We will have 1 kid(s) together. Our family will zoom around in a blue honda . I will spend my days as a psychologist , and live happily ever after. xD I GET TO MARRY YOOCHUN! LOL! -Jas-

如何告诉？ 如何对待？ 如何面对？ 以前的角度不见了…… 再也矫正不了了。 原本以为时间可以慢慢的把它矫正，看来真的一点都不简单。 老实说……真的很想把它找回来。 如有方法可以把它找回，我想我会奋不顾身的去尽量找回来。 时间啊~不要辜负我！ -Jas-

Secrets aren't called secrets anymore when there is more than one person who knows the so-called "secret". Secrets are meant to be kept within one person. Once it is exposed to another party, it's no longer a secret. Unless the secret involves a certain number of people, and is kept within the group, then it probably is still considered a secret. When someone tells you :"Hey, let me tell you a secret!", would you still take it as a secret? I do, but at the same time, I don't. Don't you think so? -Jas-

Holy crap. (Ok so I do know that "crap" is not "holy", but, oh COME ON, what the hell??) So fine, I was anticipating to have my new semester started after the long break. Ohhhhh and yes I did mention about the crazy workload and such that I was looking forward to. After just three classes out of the four? THE WORKLOAD IS JUST BEYOND INSANITY!!! I could not imagine how is it going to be like in the following semesters because it's definitely going to be tougher and tougher. *inhales deeeeeeeeeply* I believe I'll be able to pull it through... right? Well yeah I will. If others can, so do I! *shoves self with positive thinking* Oh lord! I need to start working already! Sorry that this is just a crap post. I just feel like... uh... letting out something before I go to bed. Heh. Which explains why I can't remember what I wanted to say eventually and end up with all these crap. SLEEPINESS. -Jas-

So, I finally get THE haircut that I was moaning over since forever. Yes I actually showed the guy the style that I wanted him to cut for me. (Because I actually printed JaeJoong's picture *cough*) Oh... I did not mention, he actually let out a small laugh when he saw the picture. And in the end of the day? Yes I got my tail that I've been squeaking ever since years ago. And yes, I got my Jae-ish hairstyle, YET I do feel I had a little bit of YooChunnie's mushroom head on me. Ok so not a little bit but... A LOT. And I just discovered that... he did not cut diagonal enough at the sides of me head (uh, hair?). OH WELL! At least I think I looked... cute? *coughcoughCOUGH* So... YAY to mushroom head me!! Not that I don't like it, I really like how I look like in the FRONT. The sides... yeah still okay. The back... ... ...... don't ask. I will LAYER IT OFF when I have enough hair to layer. *smiles* Thank you God for letting hair being able to grow longer! *AMEN* But hey,...

Tale 01. No more disclosure. It is time to close, and seal it. End of story. Tale 02. Saying... or rather, yelling to :" YAY, PERIOD!" End of story. Tale 03. Self-note: desperate. for. a. freakin'. hair. cut. Even though in the end of the day, I do not look different from what I used to. End of story. Tale 04. WHAT THE *BEEP* I JUST LITERALLY ATE A BUG! HOLY *BEEP* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder if it's alive when I chew it... End of (this is NOT a fake) story. Tale 05. I need more inspiration to connect my story's ending from where I left it. Just a little more to finish my second story! *cheers* I need connection! *zaps brain* End of story. Tale 06. Thrilled to start my third story! Yet, I'm telling myself to hold it until I finish my second story. BUT I JUST CANNOT WAIT! Oh, the troubles. End of story. Tale 07. I actually re-read the first one (for the Nth time) ... Hmm... need to edit some details. Where the heck I get all those silly ideas from back then that ...

Can't wait to go back to the crazy, hectic schedule in university!!!!! I'm very sure this semester's going to be three times busier, filled with superb insanity! Ohhhh yes I'm definitely looking forward to it! (And then moarn over it when it all starts!) And also.. oh God I've been saying this for more than a hundred times ever since I'm in US. I CANNOT WAIT TO FREAKING CHOP OFF (some of) MY HAIR!!!!!!!!! Yes yes, Mom, I kind of agree to a certain extend that my hair looked fine at this moment, just that it's longer (which is precisely why I want to cut it. I don't feel like having a longer hair, yet! Short hair's sexy! xD *cough*). I just needed something a teeeeeny bit more edgy. LOL. *prays hard zee new barber I'm going is a skilled barber* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Gawd I'm going crazy. No period, please? *coughcoughCOUGH* -Jas-

好啊。。。 我今天开始就做奸人。 就看你们奸，还是我更奸。 你们会嬉皮笑脸，好啊！ 以为我不会和你们一样假惺惺吗？ 哈，笑死了。 好歹我也是流着和你们一样奸的血噢~ 慢慢等着瞧吧！ 以为本小姐容易被欺负啊？ 啧啧。。。真是小看我会演戏的天分啊！ 我才没那么容易被你们这些人看透！ 总有一天你们会怕死我。 现在也应该开始怕了吧，啊？ 就因为我是心理学大专生，哈? 就算小姐我没读心理学啊，也懂你们这些脑袋们想些什么废东西，打着什么脏主意！ 好啊！ 我就继续带着原本的笑脸，做奸人来应付你们！ -Jas-

It's been such a long long time ever since I posted anything like this. This time's topic, however, is something that I intend to post a long time ago. I watched Oprah Winfrey's show one afternoon, and they were talking about this woman (I can't remember if she's a person with status or not; though I think she's an author) that she was once involved in an abusive relationship. Even though she was tortured by her other half brutally physically and mentally, she did not leave him and she didn't know why she wouldn't walk away. It wasn't exactly because she loved him and can't afford to loose him and such that made her stick to him. It was then later she knew the reason why. She used to have good relationships before this guy who abused her, even though all of the past did not turn out to be a happy ending. Yet this time, she continue to stick to be tortured rather than stick to old happy moments that did not last. Why? Part of it is because she had...

Teehee I finally changed my blog layout! And I'm HAPPY with it. I'm rather addicted to the black, grey and white combination recently. Hence, a mainly grey and black bloggie layout! However, I added some tinge of sky blue around just to lighten up the blog a little. Afterall, grey is a really dull looking colour. I wouldn't want people thought I'm too depressed that everything in my world is grey, including my blog! Oh, and probably as most of you guys know, I'm already back from USA! And I have to thank God that the 16 hours (or more?) on the plane wasn't too painful for me. Plus, I flew back alone! It wasn't scary or dreadfully boring as I thought it will. Somehow this trip to USA had changed me... I don't know in what kind of way, and I can't really describe how. But I do feel that I changed, in a way. Funny thing is that I actually feel like going back there. Probably not to stay permenantly, but a short period of time like this time. To say that...

Yay I'm tagged by Esther neh~ ^^ Thanks for tagging me dear! But I can't COPY the questions.. .I have to retype the whole thing! O_O (Thank God I'm a fast typer xD) Oh well, here goes! 1. what is your fav chocolate? # DARK chocolate! *drools* 2. what is your 3 fav colours? # blue, black and white. (ok can I add in red too? I have this fetish over red and I just HAVE to add this in xD) 3. who is the last person you talked to? # *cough* my aunt *cough* 4. who is the last person you msged? # Tan Tan~~~ *oh my god i have to retype everything just because i wanted to change my font's colour and dunno what happen everything just disappear?!?!* T__________________________________________T 5. who was the first person you talked to when you woke up today? # if you mean literally talk, my mom. 6. who is the first person you msged when you woke up today? # shhh... it's my secret lover. xD 7. how many msges you received when you woke up today? # ONE. 8. who msged you when you...

WARNING THIS IS SUPER DUPER EXTREMELY MAJOR SPAZZING MOMENT OF MINE!!!!!!!! OH MY FRICKIN' GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S LIKE 1231AM HERE IN USA, I CAN'T SLEEP SINCE LIKE 11PM... SO I DECIDED TO ON MY LAPPIE SILENTLY IN THE ROOM WHILE EVERYONE ELSE'S SLEEPING IN HERE AT AROUND 12AM! I SAW NEW SMTOWN CONCERT PICTURES OF THE BOYS AND I WAS ALREADY GONE OFF LIMITS CRAZY, INTERNALLY! (NO I JUST CAN'T SQUEAL WHEN I'M NOT IN MY OWN HOUSE OR ROOM!!) AND THEN?! I CAN'T STOP THE URGE TO LOOK AROUND YOUTUBE!!! WARNING PEOPLE... THIS IS LIKE... WAY BEYOND WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE HAWTNESS OF THE VIDEO!! WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUCVVgHQkXg *SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM x infinity* OH MY BLOODY GAWD!!!!!! I SO WANT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!! T_____________________________________T NO FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *inhales* oh god this is sooo torturing! i can't squeal, i can't shout or anything par...

今早和姑婆谈的话题。。。真的很想让我感受真正谈恋爱的感觉。 不是因为寂寞，或想要一个人和我一起分担喜怒哀乐。。。并不是。 完全不是那些别人想谈恋爱想到要发疯的程度的理由而想谈恋爱。 也不是因为想补回以前的恋爱史。。。 而是，想要知道真正恋爱的时候所拥有的角度。 什么角度？ 我也不知道真么解释。。。 所谓的看不同的事物的不同角度吧！ 所谓的“我能理解”的那种角度吧！ 啊。。。偶并不是没所谓的“恋爱”过。是有，可是因为当时年纪轻，不够成熟，稳重，所以不是很理解所谓的真正的“恋爱”是什么。 换句话说，就是想要理解什么是“恋爱”吧~ 可是，现在还没真正需要。 有让我像恋爱一般甜的朋友们（猪朋狗友！！！！哈哈哈哈哈！！！！）和我一起，就很够了！ 嘻嘻~~ -Jas-

Teehee~ Mwee being a lazy bum here... There were like a few times I logged into Blogger and wanted to update, but in the end of the day, I closed it... So yeah I'm freaking lazy. Okay so now I'm back for an update. And... hopefully a rather decent one. Some of you might or might not know where I am, right now. I'm still in Los Angeles, USA at this moment; however, I'll be back by next week. It takes around 16 hours flight from my country's international airport to LA. I get to have a short stop by at Taipei for around one and a half hour, and then continue the oh-so-pain-in-the-*ss long flight to LA. How does it feel like to be in the plane for such a long time (eat, sleep in the plane for like one day? *cough*)? Dreadfully BORING. I wouldn't dare to think how even more boring I would be when I'm going to fly back ALONE without my parents when I'm already bored till death when flying to LA with them. *faints* So it's true that there were like movies,...

xD MISS ME??? ANYONE MISS MEEEEEE???!?!?!?!?!??! Hehe... Honestly... I miss you guys like... .. ....... .... uhm... aiyah... I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH!! Okay so I just reached my aunt's place this evening from my 10 days tour! I'll try to update pictures or at least some stories and such.. when I'm hanging around my aunt's place~ Heh~ since I suppose I'll have heaps of free time after my parents go back before I do~ Overall, the 10 days tour was FUN! xD I get to see many places that I've never ever thought I would have had the chance to step on it (literally)! Also... the places that we always see in the movies and TV! Yes, it's really awesome indeed~ BUT very tiring... and I don't even get to eat well because... LOL gosh everything's fastfood here, literally! Will tell you guys about that next time I update~ ;) BEFORE I forgot the main thing I wanted to blog about and go to bed (its freaking 10+pm over here... at it's 1.43pm THERE! lol. No worries...

Hey people! Just a really quick and short update!! xD I'm now at LA already, at my aunt's house~ And later tonight I'll be going to the tour thingy for the 10 days tour thingy thing. (Okay I'm a little bit blurry at the moment... jetlag! it's like 3.35pm here... but it's 6.35am at my country!) The ride on the airplane was truly a PAIN. OH GAWD. I have to ride for approximately 4 to 5 hours and have a stop at Taiwan (which some of you caught me online for a few minutes! xD THEY HAVE WIRELESS THERE! yes I do think it's cool. :p) Then after the 1 and a half hour stop at Taiwan, I have to have a 12hour flight from Taipei to LA. Damn... I got a little sick in the plane. =.= After throwing in a pill I just fell asleep. Anyhoo... ok I forgot what I wanna say initially. lol. miss me people! - Jas -