Nothing better.
I personally do not fall into love easily.
Yet, I felt I was being put under a situation whereby I am fooling and toying a guy's emotions.
I swear with everything I had - I did not.
I felt that I was being accused that I am the one who decide to make or break a relationship.
However, the sinistral thing was - I don't even know this guy; I doubt this guy would know me any deeper either.
I don't believe feelings could develop so easily without truly knowing and understanding a person. How could it be possible to develop sudden fleeting of intimacy with acquaintances?
I never believed that a person could be in love in a short period of time.
At least for me, it took me at least a year to develop and acknowledge feelings towards an opposite sex - which I do not even call it as "love".
I could not believe the sudden expectation a person had towards me in barely a month's period. As I am extremely aware, it is not "love" that was felt. It may be a sense of "attractiveness" and with complex mixture of "availability" and "desperateness".
However, who am I to tell these?
Never in my life seek old or new friends of the opposite sex wishing that sparks would develop and flowers would bloom. I am merely being sincere, caring and nice; because I believe that - no matter male or female - everyone deserves to feel special and cared. Being sincere is a habit of mine; yet, when I am being taken advantage of it I would not continue to be a fool.
Let alone being mistakenly interpreted by others as showing affection in the romantic route. As I was told numerous times the way I treated them which made them felt that they are the special ones for me. Hence, led to misunderstandings of sparkles in romance. I asked myself countless times: What did I do wrong that made them feel in such ways, and then being so miserable when I was being honest? Was it wrong for me to show such amount of affection to guys? Was it my words or actions that appeared flirtatious? Was there something that I did that triggered that misunderstanding of feelings from me?
Until today, I would still ask the same questions.
I was just being myself.
Why present yourselves in ways that I perceived as the blame is on me?
Should I say sorry because I cared for you that made you think the other way?
Should I apologize for treating you how I treated everybody else in the same attitude?
Why present yourselves as being the inferior ones, and I am the one with the authority to make hopeful or hurtful decisions for you?
Why convey messages of you are being weaken and I am stronger, especially when you had no idea how weak I am psychologically - let alone facing issues about romance?
This time, I would not explain myself or conveying my stands.
I believe someone needs to rinse icy cool water from head to toe, recollect thoughts, analyze and consider properly what is going on with the person himself.
I could not tolerate such impatient and reckless attitude.
-Jas-
Yet, I felt I was being put under a situation whereby I am fooling and toying a guy's emotions.
I swear with everything I had - I did not.
I felt that I was being accused that I am the one who decide to make or break a relationship.
However, the sinistral thing was - I don't even know this guy; I doubt this guy would know me any deeper either.
I don't believe feelings could develop so easily without truly knowing and understanding a person. How could it be possible to develop sudden fleeting of intimacy with acquaintances?
I never believed that a person could be in love in a short period of time.
At least for me, it took me at least a year to develop and acknowledge feelings towards an opposite sex - which I do not even call it as "love".
I could not believe the sudden expectation a person had towards me in barely a month's period. As I am extremely aware, it is not "love" that was felt. It may be a sense of "attractiveness" and with complex mixture of "availability" and "desperateness".
However, who am I to tell these?
Never in my life seek old or new friends of the opposite sex wishing that sparks would develop and flowers would bloom. I am merely being sincere, caring and nice; because I believe that - no matter male or female - everyone deserves to feel special and cared. Being sincere is a habit of mine; yet, when I am being taken advantage of it I would not continue to be a fool.
Let alone being mistakenly interpreted by others as showing affection in the romantic route. As I was told numerous times the way I treated them which made them felt that they are the special ones for me. Hence, led to misunderstandings of sparkles in romance. I asked myself countless times: What did I do wrong that made them feel in such ways, and then being so miserable when I was being honest? Was it wrong for me to show such amount of affection to guys? Was it my words or actions that appeared flirtatious? Was there something that I did that triggered that misunderstanding of feelings from me?
Until today, I would still ask the same questions.
I was just being myself.
Why present yourselves in ways that I perceived as the blame is on me?
Should I say sorry because I cared for you that made you think the other way?
Should I apologize for treating you how I treated everybody else in the same attitude?
Why present yourselves as being the inferior ones, and I am the one with the authority to make hopeful or hurtful decisions for you?
Why convey messages of you are being weaken and I am stronger, especially when you had no idea how weak I am psychologically - let alone facing issues about romance?
This time, I would not explain myself or conveying my stands.
I believe someone needs to rinse icy cool water from head to toe, recollect thoughts, analyze and consider properly what is going on with the person himself.
I could not tolerate such impatient and reckless attitude.
-Jas-
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