this is life.

我只能对你说…… 你只能够忍。 辛苦了。 以后，会更辛苦。 可是…… 只能说， 这是你的命，你的运。 生命里，往往 最重要的东西是改变不了的。 在这个时刻，外面的暴风雨…… 无论你多么想阻止，多么想修补，也没用。 因为，这往往不是你可以管的事。 更加不是你可以控制的事。 ****** 雅心。 这名也取得挺好，挺适合。 为什么？ 不是因为我厚脸皮；不是因为我要夸奖自己。 是因为…… 我也有时候太会替他们想了吧…… 这样的事情发生，虽然心很疼，痛得流血， 可是……我还会说： “不用管我，不用担心我……总之我会有自己的方法想通和接受就是了。” 说了那些话，我没有反悔。 因为我深信不管多少伤痕，不管对我有多大的影响， 我会替我自己找到出路。 虽然我害怕。 害怕坎坷的路，因为从来没真正受过苦。 可是我相信自己无论如何都可以熬出自己的路，自己的思想。 有时真的会问自己： “如果自己真的少了这么点思想上的成熟……我会怎么办啊……” 可是，往往太成熟也有坏处。 -Jas-

Okay. I know I should be switching off my desktop right now and plop into my bed. BUT. This is totally random and out of the blue. I WANT THE EXACT SAME BAG AS MR. MICKY PARK YOOCHUN. FOR REAL. No. Its not because I just want to own a bag that he's using or anything. Honestly, no. That bag is just... SO DAMN NICE. Why? BECAUSE IT'S A CLASSIC, DAMN CLASSIC DESIGN. Which bag I'm talking about? I don't have the picture with me now. HAHA. xD Night. -Jas-

This. Is. Going. NOWHERE. To be damn truthful and down to earth in all honesty, I AM STRESSED. Because I was better two days ago, A LOT better in fact. Then it got a little bit, just a little bit worse yesterday. Then it got almost back to the starting point today. Can you tell that I'm clenching on my effin straight nerves very freaking tight right now? I ask my mom every single day: "Maa... I'll get better geh ho?" Without fail, she'll give me a convincing answer: "Of course you will! Just relax and don't stress about it too much." Crap. I AM STRESSING ABOUT IT. Yeah. To the point where I so can see myself in anxiety , and the disorder is starting to kick in. BIG TIME. How and why? Because she used to ask me the same questions everyday , and multiple times everyday . Yeah. I know I just have to tell myself to take it easy, chill, and relax. If I do so, it'll miraculously go *poof* and gone! Easier said than done. Yet. Now. I don't car...

*唱* 路边的野花~ 你不要采~ 你就试试看。 你一采那朵烂野花，我就敢敢踩死那朵野花，还有她身边的杂草烂虫统统给毒死。 不止，我还会把你的手给废掉。 管他们他妈的去死。 我这孩子一点也不好惹。 想试？ 经管来。 我奉陪到你（们〕的底。 ***** 好讨厌直觉这样东西。 敏感？过度敏感？ 不用紧。算了。 可是，准确是一回恐怖的预料。 ***** 原来。 原来那个八婆所一而再，再而三说的， 是暗示。 好。 领悟了。 他们嘴里是没有“开玩笑”这三个字。 只有通过“开玩笑”来传达讯息。 犯奸。 我就用“开玩笑”来回复你们。 ***** 你们妈妈还真的家教的你们好啊。 ***** Thank you, vagueness. -Jas-

I couldn't think of a title. LOL. I have to say July 2009 is the official "ranting" month of the year. I admit I rant and complain a lot throughout my life span, *cough cough*, but I rarely really blog them unless it's a really big rant(s). Oh well, I suppose the holiday blues are already in me. LOL. For the past days, well, I have many other things to blog about aside about the issue that's bothering me the most (aka my health). However... one big thing is not over yet, other waves come crashing silently and whether if it's harmful or not, time will tell. The issues made me think quite a lot for the past few days. New realizations, new inspirations, new reminders... Everything summarizes humanity, which definitely doesn't make me feel any much better after all the considerations and understandings. But of course, aside from the bad ones, I have some positive enlightments too. Anyway, for those who are concerned about my health, thank you for all the enco...

The results are not out yet. *dies* Come on. I just wanna get over with this. -Jas-

Feeling so damn fed up. What the hell. Is this the kind of health a young lady should have?! YAH. LADY. ITS THE FIFTH DAY. AND YOU'RE STILL NOT THROUGH WITH IT?! WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY HEALTH YOU HAVE FOR A 20 YEAR OLD?! Seriously. Yes. I'm ranting, thank you. It's not fun feeling... feeling not okay. What's more? I don't even know what's going on and how to cure it. Sleep for 3 days 3 nights? Binge drinking sky juice? WHAT? Just tell me and I'll do it to get better, seriously. My mom used an hour to drag me up this morning to exercise. Oh yes I went. Because I want a good health too. Priority now, I just want to get better. The fucking spins during sleeps are getting on my nerves BIG BIG TIME. Father Jesus, I have learnt my lesson. Take away my sins, please? ARGH. -Jas-

*cries* I duwanna go get blood test!!! Well... blame yourself for such a bad health. But I duwanna go!!! Again... blame yourself. But.. but... gah when was the last time I got my blood sucked by a syringe!? *cough* TEN years ago. Oh. Shit. I hope it'll be quick... *pat pat* No worries... It'll end sooner than you think. OMAIGAAAAAAAAHHHHH. *faints* -Jas-

LMAO. The way my mom talks on the phone so reminded me of this classic scene in Harry Potter. Which part? Of course the part where Ron phoned Harry using muggle communication device known as the "telephone". He literally screamed over the phone due to over excitement. *ahem* Yeah. Somebody's voice volume just shoot over the roof whenever the person's on the phone. May it be house phone, or even mobile phone. WHOA. Imagine my mom is in her room, upstairs with all doors and windows closed; and I can still hear her shouting over the phone. *shakes head* HAIH. I hate to say this but... women . LOL. -Jas- p.s. Imagine that I have to tell her to keep her voice down when I'm driving and she's talking over the phone. My poor poor eardrums... It's even worse than earplugs. LOL. p.s.s. Sorry la, Mama~ I lub chu la~ xD

So much for my so-called holidays. Today is the sixth day of my long long holidays, and I KOed myself due to late night sleeps and lack of quality beauty sleeps. Sinister eh? Then, I missed the chance to watch the movie that I've been anticipating for - Transformers. *groans* Then, I literally ended up sleeping for the entire day. Try imagine... I was scared to sleep in a proper sleeping position and I had to sit to sleep. Urgh. It was terrible. No. Don't be ridiculous. I'm not afraid of ghosts or anything (especially in broad daylight). But the fact that the overwhelming dizziness was just... way too overwhelming. Urgh. Plus the fact that nausea is just the icing on the rotten cake. THEN? I ticked off one of my things that I had to do on my to-do list. Which was changing all my passwords and email settings for everything online. I was so blur after all those universe spinning for the entire morning, and totally blur state of coordination for the entire rest of the day... I...

Finally, it was a day that I have been anticipating. All of us are anticipating it a little too much, in fact! Finals is OVER! *throws confetti* I got too excited about the last paper that I totally given up studying and got so impatient with the exam questions when there were still 40 multiple choice questions and 4 short answer questions to go! I almost, almost left the hall before I finished the very last to short answer questions! *whispers* yeshjustlikesomeonewho'sreadytoleavealreadyandgotgrabbedbypeterxD Luckily I decided to flip the entire paper before I really move my ass. HAHA. After the papers, we went for a feast . Yes. FEAST. Obviously we don't really care (at that moment) about money issues. *laughs* Hanging out with a bunch of friends you love and cherish is indescribable. Maybe it's like what Regi said: "Doesn't it feels like falling in love?" *cough* Lady, obviously we don't know how it felt like because it's either too long ago, or we...

Psychology, the science of human mind or mental processes. How irony it sounds when we, psychology students, are studying the minds of human beings based on the different aspects provided: cognitive, behavioral, biological, humanistic, fundamentalist, psychoanalysis... etc etc etc. Why? We study the different theories, the possible causes and effecst that lead to certain actions and behaviors of human beings. We, are human beings, too. Often times as we learn more about psychology, we realize even more about what contributes to who we are today as a person. No doubt, we might know clearer than anyone else the consequences of our past had formed us today. The irony, is this. We know the cause and we understand the aftermath. However, we couldn't get ourselves to avoid the effect. The past, may be the past. Yet the future, we see the consequences, but we couldn't take much control of the impact that it will hit on us. -Jas-

比起上次，我认真多了。 真的。 考试没考上，就差那么的几分……就可以了。 我，也许看起来吊儿郎当，漫不经心的，可是不代表我没认真过。 谢谢您没骂我。 可是，告诉我不认真还有你所花费的钱…… 我不喜欢。 我不开心。 我伤心。 如果可以的话，我真的想逆转时光。 可是……也许没用。 因为我不是输在不认真。 我是输在紧张和害怕。 水准很自然的很危险的向下滑落。 每个人都说我不认真。 我也只好笑着点头。 对着那一次又一次受到伤害的心灵，多割几刀再撒盐。 又来了。 不是应该习惯了吗？ 我想，是时候告诉自己- 你，是人啊。 脆弱的人啊。 -Jas-

I couldn't express the kind of feelings I am experiencing right now. Yet. Knowing that they stood, and going to stand on it again tonight, in Tokyo Dome... I felt proud. Just for them. Ridiculous, eh? I know. But I couldn't explain how happy, glad but at the same time sad at the moment. *sigh* If only I'm there to witness the awesomeness myself! Other than that, I really happy for you guys. ^^ -Jas-

Whoa. This is my 300th post! Surprised much. Haha. So much for wasting my time throughout the study break. Now I am so cramming myself with the summary of my textbook. *sighs hard* When will I just get back to my old old self and actually study for real? *sighs even harder* Anyway. I realized there are so many things that I need to clear and rearrange this upcoming holiday. Every single corner of my room needs that, plus serious cleaning and wiping. Of course, that includes my study table, wardrobe and of course my cupboard (good thing I cleared most of em during the last holiday). All in all, my laptop AND desktop need serious rearrangements and clearance. From the browser's bookmarks, to the received files and downloaded files, to my personal documents, musics, pictures files, EVEN THIS BLOG (okay... not the blog just yet) needs categorizations and clearances! *faints* Nonetheless, I have LOTS of cleaning work to do. Wipe my desktop, my laptop, my room's every single frappi...

My God. I'm in love all over again. Stand by you (by Tohoshinki) is another favorite Japanese single of mine now. I'm so loving "tea for two". Lovely lovely lovely sweeeeeet song. xD Very very sweet! TOTALLY LOVE the harmonica in the song! This song really put a soft smile on my face. ^v^ -Jas- p.s. DIES AT YOOCHUN'S SEXY NARRATION AT THE ENDING. xDDDDDDD

I died for the lovely tune. I died for the awesome vocals. I died for the great graphics and ideas of the PV. Today, I died for the lyrics. Stand by you by Tohoshinki xD THE SINGLE RELEASED TODAY!!! -Jas-

No. I'm not hinting anything for those who are reading this. LOL. Right before I fell asleep last night and drift into a series of complicated dreams, I made my birthday wishes. Though, I don't know if they will come true or not. Yet, they are three very simple down to earth wishes. One; I wish for a precious treasure that could be kept as a part of me forever. Two; I wish for simple happiness that could be held and seen, with those who think I'm a meaningful someone, in my hands with little fortune spent. Three; I wish for a priceless object that caught my eye so much yesterday, yet, it can remain as a wish for the longest time. Go on and squeeze all your brain juices and guess what concrete wishes I have made. I am sure you won't be able to figure anything out. *laughs* The joy of language; the loveliness of vagueness. -Jas-

If I were given complete autonomy, and a little unconditioned guidance to my "inborn"s, I believe that I won't be sitting here; right here, right now. Looking back, there were obvious yet ignorable signs. Standing in front of the mirror. Holding it. Enjoying it. Jumping with the flow. Holding his hands. Forcing him to follow me, as I stood on his big feet. Swaying together. Enjoying together. Recording privately. Enjoying loudly and silently. Founded by her. Being given my first chance by her. Being exposed the first time by her. Given me practices during free times. Chanced rehearsal privately. Enjoyed the adrenaline rush. Once. Twice. Brought there by her. Trained by the other her. Chanced by her. Encouraged by her. Loved so much by her. Exposed by her. Given a different adrenaline rush. Another once. Another twice. Again and again. Found. Chanced. Exposed. Enjoyed. Even though sometimes, it was not found. Yet, a road will be created to be founded. Looking back, it was ...

它，是优点。 也是弱点。 -Jas-